Torn over Kobe

JESSICA HOELLE bleeds purple and gold.

Since she can remember, the 28-year-old West L.A. nursing student and her family have been bound together by Laker fever. But her only souvenir jersey -- the one bearing No. 8, the number of Kobe Bryant, her favorite Laker -- has stayed in the closet all season, untouched and unworn.

“This season has been very hard for me,” Hoelle said, referring to the felony sexual assault charges against Bryant in Colorado. “I have loved Kobe ever since he entered the league. But now I feel disillusioned. As much as I want to give Kobe the benefit of the doubt, I have to take seriously the accusations against him. It makes it so much harder. It’s the unknown that makes it awkward.”

In the nationwide throng of Laker fanatics, Hoelle is not alone. Just as this season in its final stretches belongs to Bryant devotees who chant his name in sold-out arenas, it also belongs to the fans who feel more than a trace of discomfort rooting for a fallen hero who is at best guilty of infidelity and at worst guilty of the felony charge of sexual assault.

For these fans, the rain has already fallen on their victory parade. They feel personally betrayed, let down. They take pains to shield their young children from hearing news stories about court proceedings. Or they have to explain to their children how a great athlete can be flawed off the court.

With his confessed marital indiscretion and the subsequent felony charges against him, Bryant joins a list of athletes such as NFL rushing leader Jamal Lewis of the Baltimore Ravens (indicted on federal drug conspiracy charges) and former NBA star Jayson Williams (who will be retried on a charge of reckless manslaughter in the death of a limousine driver two years ago) who have run into serious legal problems and demonstrated flawed characters.

David Walker and his wife, Nancy, watch every Laker game they can in their Westlake Village home, along with their 9-year-old twin boys. Though the family cheers, the parents find that they are not as enthusiastic about the team as they have been in years past. They feel let down and disappointed, “kind of like someone letting the air out of the balloon,” David Walker said. “Something has happened that isn’t right.”

Mytie LeFlore has fashioned her playing style on the Dorsey High School girls varsity basketball team on Bryant. But the 15-year-old continues to ask her legal guardian, Linda Nesbit, how Bryant could have cheated on his wife. Nesbit, executive director of Inner-City Children’s Academic Network, which assists and educates young children, said, “I just told her some people stray. But she has been really upset about it.”

These stories of Laker fans and their conflicted feelings about this championship season have been all but drowned out by the roars of applause and cheers that continue to surround Bryant. It’s been a season tainted by Bryant’s legal and personal problems -- even while he shines on court. (Bryant has also received more than his share of jeers and taunts, particularly during the early part of the season, and lost lucrative commercial endorsements.

“I really hope the Lakers and Kobe do well,” said Charlene Kobrine, 42, an Orange County attorney. “But I have some uneasiness about it. I have two sons, 4 and 6 years old, and I have to be very cautious about what I say around them. Personally, I can respect Kobe as a basketball player, but as a parent, I can’t support someone who might be a potential criminal.”

Kobrine, a veteran Laker fan, said her sons, both avid basketball fans, have Bryant jerseys that have been worn so often they are tattered and frayed. But she said she will not replace them until there is a verdict. “I really can’t get them new jerseys until I know the outcome of the trial.”

Kobrine’s sister, Sharon Wooden, 44, who is an attorney in Oakland, disagrees with her sibling.

Said Wooden, who has two sons, ages 5 and 11: “I really don’t have any problem rooting for Kobe and the Lakers. I think they’ve done remarkably well considering all the upheaval.”

She echoed the sentiment of many Laker fans who maintain that they don’t believe the charges against Bryant. “I used to live in the same apartment building as Magic Johnson and several other players, and I’ve seen how they’re treated by the opposite sex. So I’m not buying it,” she said.

Tim Shaheen, 47, an entrepreneur and lawyer and an “unabashed Laker fan,” said he is also skeptical of the charges. Still, he is also careful about giving his 9-year-old son, Julian, details about the case.

“Julian knows that he’s been accused of a crime, but we don’t explain to him what rape is,” said Shaheen, who lives in West Los Angeles. “We also explain to him that the guys on the court are great athletes who act immaturely much of the time, so he shouldn’t take them too seriously.”

Hoelle said if the Lakers win the championship, she and her family will make plans to join the victory celebration, even with the Bryant case unresolved. “They’re still our team. We’ll be at the parade, for sure. I’ll just be a bit more reserved, that’s all.”