Forgoing At-Bats Due to Bad Lumbar

Especially as I get older, I seldom identify with a professional athlete. The long home runs, the spectacular touchdown catches, the slam dunks -- I can barely conceive of them.

Such was not the case, however, with a maneuver the Chicago Cubs’ Sammy Sosa pulled in the clubhouse in San Diego’s Petco Park on Sunday before a game with the Padres. Sosa sneezed twice, which brought on violent back spasms, requiring him to take hold of a chair to support himself.

He had to sit out the game.

Yeah, I could see doing that.

Stupid criminal explanations: The Saddleback Valley News said a Mission Viejo woman came home and confronted a stranger. The intruder said that “someone had told him that his dogs were in her residence,” the newspaper said.

Bad story! Heel for sheriff’s deputies!

He was arrested on suspicion of burglary.

Self-defense, one, two, three: Norm Sklarewitz of West Hollywood found a one-stop shopping opportunity for those who want to learn how to dance -- and how to fend off unwelcome partners (see photo).

Season’s insults: A while back, a Santa-themed shopping area shut down along U.S. 101 near Summerland and a statue of the once-Jolly Old Elf was uprooted. Now, Craig Price notes, Caltrans has delivered a further insult to one vestige of Santa’s presence (see photo).

Dueling attitudes: Take a look at the submissions from Marilyn Vassos of Irvine and see if you can guess which one was shot in New York and which one in London (see photos).

Chew on this: A tooth displayed at the Pomona Public Library in a baseball exhibit supposedly had been knocked out of the mouth of catcher Ray Fosse when baserunner Pete Rose slammed into him in 1970. But columnist David Allen of the Inland Valley Daily Bulletin received word from Fosse, a broadcaster, that he didn’t lose a tooth in the collision.

Allen noted that the curator of the exhibit, the Baseball Reliquary of Monrovia, likes to poke fun at the sports memorabilia craze.

Still, I’m a bit surprised. Now I’m starting to have doubts about another treasure the reliquary once displayed: a half-smoked stogie that it said was left behind in a brothel by Babe Ruth.

Unclear on the concept: “There’s nothing funny about NBC’s new schedule,” said the website of the St. Louis Post Dispatch, referring to the network’s low number of comedies. I dunno. NBC describes its new series, “LAX,” as a drama. It stars sultry Heather Locklear (formerly of “Melrose Place”) as the airport chief. You can’t get any funnier than that.

miscelLAny: My son was named Student of the Month at his grade school -- he obviously takes after his mother -- and one of the perks he’s looking forward to is lunching in the cafeteria with the principal. “You get to cut in front of everybody in line,” he explained.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATimes, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.