Corpse Actors Must Practice Silence

What with the endless variations of “CSI” series, and the emergence of other TV crime shows on an almost daily basis, bit actors in Hollywood have a rich variety of parts to choose from -- as corpses.

Playing a dead guy isn’t a strenuous task, but some performers become a bit too relaxed in the role.

“CSI: Miami” star Khandi Alexander told the Associated Press about one scene that involved herself, co-star David Caruso “and the table between us with the corpse. And the guy starts snoring, loudly. In the middle of the scene. And David just turns beet red because he’s trying to get through the scene and not laugh.”

Unclear on the concept: Lance Hall of Valley Glen noticed that a letter from his financial advisor contained one investment plan that seemed to have seen better days (see accompanying).

Speaking of wear and tear...: A reader noticed an opening for a mechanic I’d rather not have work on my car (see accompanying).

Department of Redundancy Dept.: Dave Bedell of Claremont sent a warning about a lake at Mt. Rainier National Park that, in its current condition, wouldn’t seem likely to attract waders or swimmers (see accompanying).

High-handed approach? Cruising by the entrance to a parking structure, Craig Leener of Valencia wrote, “Needless to say, I was glad to be driving a low-profile vehicle” (see photo).

Stupid Criminal Tricks: The talk around my gym was about two intruders who rifled a member’s locker, got his keys and stole his car. Then, some time later, they were involved in a freeway crash. What did they do at that point? Flee? No, they waited on the scene for officers to arrive.

Guess they never figured anyone would want to check their paperwork.

The suspects left the scene in handcuffs.

miscelLAny: On the website www.beachpride.com, Cal State Long Beach students were asked to pick the category that best described how they plan to spend Thanksgiving. The responses:

* Pretending to like my family (24.9%).

* Horizontally (20.9%).

* Alone, with my Hungry Man XXL Roasted Carved Turkey dinner (4.84%).

* Planning Ralph Nader’s presidential election in 2008 (4.84%).

* What’s with all the negativity? I love my family (45.16%).

*

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATimes, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.