Ralphnadired Your Relationship? Try Sucking a Few Atonemints

The following definitions are excerpted from “The Future Dictionary of America,” published this year by McSweeney’s Books. The dictionary was compiled by Jonathan Safran Foer, Dave Eggers, Nicole Krauss and Eli Horowitz, who asked writers and artists from around the country to submit words of the future.

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Atonemint n. a refreshing candy that simultaneously freshens the breath and makes amends. She forgot to return her mother’s phone call and now it was too late to call back because her mother goes to bed by 10, so she sucked on a couple of atonemints.

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-- Sarah Vowell

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bald-is-beautiful adj. a description, usually directed at men who have lost a good deal if not all of their hair. What had previously been a somewhat jokey, somewhat consoling remark, meant to soothe the egos of bald men, became an official part of the lexicon in 2009, when it was discovered by beauty scientists at Carleton College in Northfield, Minn., that bald actually is beautiful. A statistical analysis of Michael Jordan, the bald American eagle, several million infants, and old movie footage of Yul Brynner in “Westworld” helped lead to this discovery.

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-- Jonathan Ames

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environment n. 1. a confused mass of biota, rocky places, open plains and ditches filled variously with water, muck and blood, with the potential of being converted into strip mines, strip malls and strip clubs. 2. a kind of place, like an office cubicle, where deals are made. 3. the prevailing mood or climate in which deals are made.

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-- T.C. Boyle

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geng-chaka adj. 1. pertaining to the period between 1189 and 1984, i.e., from the start of Genghis Khan’s military campaigns to Chaka Khan’s hit single “I Feel for You.” 2. anything regarded generally as chaotic or tedious. The party was geng-chaka until someone suggested Running Charades.

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-- Daniel Handler

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gun-shy adj. 1. the shyness of guns; the modesty of firearms. Formerly used to describe (a) a fear of guns; or (b) the reluctance to engage in some activity for fear of it turning out poorly. The world now more commonly refers to the actual diffidence of projectile-expelling weapons. After many centuries of being bold things, strong and loud and fearless, guns -- some say in response to climate change and rising water levels, if not lunar patterns -- became, in 2005 or thereabouts, timid, unassertive and desirous of quiet and soft lighting.

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-- Dave Eggers

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macksenate n. a special meeting of the Senate during which speech is prohibited and replaced by slapstick displays of aggression between the two parties, usually involving the throwing of custard pies.

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-- Billy Collins

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ralphnadir 1. n. the lowest point in any process, whereby the urgent need to alter that process becomes manifest. 2. v. the act of creating such a low point while simultaneously undoing one’s reputation. He ralphnadired their relationship when he condi-scendingly denied that he’d cheneyed their joint account.

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-- Art Spiegelman

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silence parlor n. a heavily soundproofed cafe, often equipped with noise-cancellation technology, in which consenting citizens may gather to talk, read or sit quietly.

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-- Jonathan Franzen

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sloudge n. the hours of analysis, usually on high-cable news networks, which follows breaking news. Most sloudge occurs around shiny tables where overweight white men talk about such things as the liberal conspiracy, fiscal responsibility and isolationist policies of revision. Expert speakers of sloudge were paid million of dollars in the early years of the 21st century, not just to wag their double chins on television but to give speeches and write books.

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-- Stephen King

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umbridge n. the commonly held indignation that brings together two or more people. Previously known, less concisely, as “mutual outrage bridge.”

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-- Kevin Moffett

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yidg n. one’s romantic pair; older than a girl/boyfriend, less businesslike than a partner, more fun than a spouse, less gooey than a lover. Don’t even mention “significant other.”

-- Eli Horowitz