Dodgers’ No-Name Jerseys Could Protect Guilty Party

They not only had no names on the back of their uniforms, but in the clubhouse they had no names above each locker, which presented a problem when one of the Dodgers screamed at me to leave before the first game.

“Who are you?” I asked.

Right away I could tell the no-name player wasn’t accustomed to fielding tough questions, because it seemed as if it was too much for him, and so I waited while he gave it some thought.

“Scott,” he finally blurted out, and he looked pretty pleased with himself, so I assumed he got the question right.

If so, there’s only one Scott on the team, making it a good guess that it was Scott Erickson, a certified stiff by baseball standards, and better known these days as Mr. Lisa Guerrero.

Mr. Lisa is the Dodgers’ fifth starter this season because they don’t have five good pitchers with Brad Penny on the disabled list, but everyone knows the Dodgers’ fifth starter is also supposed to pull double duty as the team’s cheerleader. In fact, Mr. Lisa should be pretty good given Guerrero’s expertise.

You remember Jose Lima from a year ago. He wasn’t supposed to make the team out of spring training, just like Mr. Lisa. He also wasn’t supposed to pitch very well and certainly wasn’t the pick to post the team’s only playoff win since 1988, but he knew from the outset it was his job to get the fans going and make everyone believe something magical might happen.

Lima also did every interview, saving the other guys the trouble. Mr. Lisa, although married to a former “Monday Night Football” sideline reporter, turned down one of the “Southern California Sports Report’s” female reporters recently who wanted to talk about his making the team. I know athletes who have agreed to talk to the SCSR knowing it’s going to be Jack Haley holding the microphone.

Mr. Lisa, by most accounts of those who have dealt with him, is a real drag, which kind of describes the atmosphere in the Dodger clubhouse Tuesday before the first game -- on what should have been the most exciting day of the baseball season.

You throw in a sparring Milton Bradley, who is still packing a persecution complex, a chippy Jeff Kent, who wanted me to make a point of including his swear words while quoting him, and Hee-Seop Choi taking up valuable clubhouse space, and I would imagine right about now Jim Tracy would agree with me -- I miss the Choking Dogs, as awful as they could be at times.

In fact, I asked the Micro Manager after his first loss how many times Adrian Beltre had crossed his mind during the game. “It’s 2005,” Tracy said.

“Are you telling me Adrian Beltre never crossed your mind?” I said.

“It’s 2005,” he said, and so I pointed out that he hadn’t really answered my question and he said, “It’s 2005.” I’ve never gotten such succinct quotes from the jabbermouth before.

I remain confident that the Dodgers will win a game this year, but just not like last season.

Shortstop Cesar Izturis told the media that Ray Durham beat out the double-play attempt that had Izturis flipping the ball to the statue -- otherwise known as Kent -- Kent’s relay too late to get Durham, and there was nothing they could do about it. A few minutes later, Durham scored for a 3-2 lead.

I asked Izturis whether, if Alex Cora had been playing second base, the two of them would have turned the double play, and he smiled and said, “I can’t answer that,” but I can -- without question.

Beltre had a .978 fielding percentage last year; his replacement, Jose Valentin, has played 11 years, and in that time 151 games at third with a .941 fielding percentage, which is lower after his Dodger debut. Beltre made 10 errors in 156 games last season; I like Valentin’s chances of catching him by the All-Star break.

Bradley made a dive for a ball in center field that Steve Finley would have caught, and I write that while asking that all bottles be removed from the clubhouse before I arrive tonight. “You guys are just waiting for me to [mess up],” Bradley said, and frankly, I’m just waiting for my next vacation.

Bradley didn’t make the catch, the Dodgers made an error on the next play and the Giants padded their lead.

As for fighting back, which they did much of last year, forget it. Choi, Kent, J.D. Drew and Valentin were a combined one for 13. Whom would you rather have hitting, Kent, Drew and Valentin, or Finley, Shawn Green and Beltre? Whom would you rather have trying to catch the ball?

The thing that makes all these disastrous moves so bizarre is General Manager Paul DePodesta’s decision not to get rid of Tracy.

He obviously has little regard for the way Tracy manages a game, which is relying on defense -- the best in baseball last year -- and a bullpen designed to eke out a win even if no one is hitting all that well.

DePodesta made that clear, of course, when he took Guillermo Mota away from the Micro Manager, and then didn’t get back to Beltre, making do with Valentin.

The Micro Manager has won 63 games more than he has lost during his time with the Dodgers, and that’s working for a brain trust that has included Kevin Malone, Dan Evans and now DePodesta. He might be the guy to work with Mitch Kupchak and coach the Lakers.

Tracy is going to be forced to change his approach, though, and now cover his eyes when the ball is hit to one of his defenders not named Izturis. The Dodgers have been an amazing 120-83 in one-run games under Tracy’s command, which speaks to the team’s consistent defensive play, his ability to squeeze out leads and get the ball into Eric Gagne’s hands.

Now he might have to sit back and wait for Choi to hit a three-run homer to overcome DePodesta’s errors in judgment.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from David Schinnerer:

“Hey, big spender -- took your wife to Pasadena for vacation? What, the Pomona Motel 6 was booked?”

Why would we want to go back there?

T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@ latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.