The Perfect Capper for Not Listening to Advice

Padres 6, Dodgers 1.

I told you these guys were no good.

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A SHOCKER, I know, the Dodgers are not going to finish 160-2 this season -- so back off on the crazy e-mail. In fact I’ll bet you right now -- with all winnings going to the Mattel Children’s Hospital at UCLA -- the Dodgers lose again this season.

Before the Dodgers went into the dumper Thursday night, I thought it would be a good idea to make a special trip here and see how the guys were handling success, already winning more games this season than the Lakers all year, or so it seemed.

Milton Bradley walked past me before Thursday night’s game with the Padres, groaned, and said, “We win and look who’s here. Unbelievable.”

That’s a change, of course, from most nights when Bradley walks past me, groans and says, “We lose and look who’s here. Unbelievable.”

I told Jeff Kent, “I’m with you guys win or lose,” and he groaned, and for the record you should probably know that no matter what I say to Kent, his first response is always to groan.

“When I was on other teams, I’d read your stuff and feel sorry for the Dodgers,” Kent said, and I think we can all recall times when we felt sorry for the Dodgers.

But this is a new year, the Dodgers have the best record in baseball for at least another day, and with expectations now ratcheted up to World Series proportions, I can’t wait to see how the guys handle adversity -- and maybe a challenging opponent.

I remember when the Lakers were beating crummy teams earlier this year, and without Kobe Bryant, and some fans began talking about trading Bryant because the team played so well without him. When I mentioned the fact that the Lakers were beating up crummy teams, Chucky Atkins reacted as if he had never heard such a stupid thing. Strange coming from a guy who talks regularly to Vic the Brick.

I think we all agree just how good the Lakers are these days, and now for the first time in many a May and June we’re not going to have any Laker distractions allowing for close scrutiny of the Dodgers -- except for those who can’t see home plate in the new high-priced seats.

So far the Dodgers have proved superior to the Giants minus Barry Bonds, the

Diamondbacks minus a bullpen, the Padres minus any consistent power and the Brewers. Good for them; it’s been fun. Reminds me of the Clippers and the way they start every season. Next, the Dodgers get the crummiest team of them all, the Rockies.

I went to the Micro Manager’s office before the game to wish him and the guys a safe journey to Denver, but never got the chance. Instead of saying, “Hello, and thanks for motivating us,” he pulled a Dodger cap from his locker and demanded that I put it on, or he would not answer any of my questions.

He didn’t ask any of the other reporters in the room to put a Dodger cap on because I guess it’s pretty well accepted around here that they’re all homers.

In fact columnists from the Orange County Register, the Los Angeles Daily News, along with writers from ESPN.com and SI.com weighed in this week, spanking other writers in L.A. for being too quick to criticize the Dodgers -- no matter that they might’ve been too quick putting the Dodgers into the playoffs.

All they had to do was ask, and I would’ve talked to Plaschke about keeping things in perspective -- without making it sound as if all the columnists in L.A. pick on the Dodgers every chance they get.

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I ASKED the Micro Manager if he thought Hee-Seop Choi might ever become a consistent hitter, and he said, “I can’t answer you,” because I wasn’t wearing a Dodger cap. I presume if I was, he would’ve said, “There’s no way that guy will ever hit consistently,” but I would’ve liked to have heard it from him.

Another reporter asked, “Do you think Choi will be a consistent hitter?” and Jim Tracy said, “Don’t try to help [Page 2],” and so like Choi, he struck out too.

I wondered about the team’s schedule to date, and he said, “I can’t hear you,” and I’m telling you, he’s beginning to remind me of the wife more and more every day. If he ever tells me to get lost, I’ll know they’ve been exchanging notes.

I continued to ask questions and he continued to ignore me, and then the Dodgers went out and lost.

You see what happens when the Dodgers lack the proper motivation -- they can’t even beat the crummy teams.

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THE PADRES paid tribute to third baseman Ken Caminiti before the game on what would have been his 42nd birthday.

Caminiti died of a drug overdose and coronary artery disease last October after earlier admitting he was on steroids when he was selected the National League’s most valuable player in 1996.

Some might question such a ceremony, honoring someone with so many problems on and off the field, but it was a nice moment for his wife and three daughters who were in attendance.

I would question, though, not only the choice of highlight music -- “Hit me with your best shot (in the butt)” -- but the highlights themselves, which were a reminder of how far you can hit the ball when on steroids.

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ASSOCIATED PRESS reported that umpire Paul Schrieber, working third base in Thursday night’s Dodger game, is under investigation for allegedly assaulting a flight attendant during a trip to Denver last weekend.

It must be frustrating for umpires when they can’t throw someone out.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Rick Quintino:

” ... Why are the Dodgers winning? Because you have alienated all of the players, the owners -- even if in jest -- and so you don’t have any sources to find anything out ... Jim Murray reported and entertained -- worthy of Page 2.”

I don’t know who your sources are, but the fact is Murray reported and entertained -- worthy of Page 1.

T.J. Simers can be reached at

t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.