Revenge of the kids

By PATRICK GOLDSTEIN

April 26, 2005 12 AM PT

One of the great things about teenagers is that, while they may take a “whatever” approach to the fight over privatizing Social Security or successfully naming the mayor of Los Angeles, they are full of strong opinions about the really important things in life, starting with why Jessica Alba is cool and Lindsay Lohan is not.

There is no better way to help decipher the baffling intricacies of pop culture than by corralling a group of teenagers and letting them gab about summer movies. Now in its fifth year, my Summer Movie Posse is an informal focus group of neighborhood kids who watch trailers for the most hotly anticipated youth-oriented summer films. (To make their parents more comfortable and to prevent them from being deluged by Hollywood marketers, Posse members are identified only by first name.)

This year’s group of eight teens, assembled by my neighborhood pal Gabe and his younger sister, Ta, would never pass muster as a statistically significant sampling. But as media savvy teens, they represent a key target audience for movie studios. During much of the year they may see only one movie every three weeks. But during the summer, they see a movie nearly every week, which is why studios cater to their whims in pretty much the same way that Vegas hotels roll out the red carpet for a high roller with a wad of thousand-dollar bills.

Studio marketers often argue over whether white Westside teens have the same attitude about movies as kids in South Philly or Oklahoma City, but judging from past Posse juries, their reactions aren’t out of sync with the rest of the country. Last year, their favorite trailers were “Anchorman” and “Dodgeball,” which went on to be hits. The low scores went to “Soul Plane” and “Van Helsing,” which were duds.

At the very least, they are pop culture canaries in a coal mine, offering a sneak peek at who’s on the way up and who’s on the way down. They loved Johnny Depp before he was in “Pirates of the Caribbean;” they loathed Jessica Simpson long before she had her own reality TV show. If someone jumps the shark, they’re the first to know. This year, they were especially dismissive of Lohan, star of the upcoming “Herbie: Fully Loaded.” As Alex, 18, succinctly put it: “The only person who [is worse] than Lindsay Lohan is Hilary Duff.”

I wouldn’t want to be the studio putting out a Will Ferrell movie next summer. After seeing the popular comic in two lackluster trailers, the Posse thought he was stretched awfully thin. As Ta, 14, said of Ferrell’s appearance in “Bewitched,” “He seems to play the same character in every movie.” The Posse wasn’t any kinder to the punk band Green Day, that had songs in three summer trailers, which they viewed as a sure sign of the band having sold out, especially after hearing one of its songs in “Lords of Dogtown,” a movie set in 1975, a time when the band was still in diapers.

Although the summer is loaded with remakes and sequels, the teens have an abiding affection for some pop artifacts but not others. The boys were all deeply nostalgic about “Star Wars.” And everyone was eager to see “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,” partially because of Depp but largely because they all had fond memories of the original film. On the other hand, they had little interest in “Herbie” or “Bewitched,” which were taken from sources that had little resonance for them.

It would take a sizable amount of space to deconstruct their likes and dislikes, but in short they think Brad Pitt is cool; Tom Cruise, not so much. Adam Sandler is funny, Rob Schneider is not -- unless he’s in a Sandler movie. They speak reverentially of older actors like Samuel L. Jackson, Liam Neeson and Christopher Walken, but they’re indifferent, if not openly hostile, to young heartthrobs like Hayden Christensen and Chad Michael Murray. The boys, who outnumbered the girls this year 6 to 2, were huge fans of sex babes like Alba and Jessica Biel but viewed Paris Hilton, a costar in “House of Wax,” as beyond contempt.

If nothing else, they have a suspicion that movies are more commerce than art. Noticing that Neeson has parts in two summer films, “Batman Begins” and “Kingdom of Heaven,” Andrew, 18, said knowingly, “He must be building a house.”

Here are highlights from their discussion, which, if nothing else, was brutally honest. While most of their remarks emphasize style over substance, don’t blame them -- if there’s any substance in summer movies, it’s been extracted from these trailers. (See accompanying box for the Posse’s grades):

“XXX: State of the Union”

Travis, 14: “It looks stupid to me. I don’t like sequels where they don’t use the original actor.”

Alex: “They’re just using Ice Cube because Vin Diesel wanted too much money.”

Andrew: “But I like Sam Jackson, and it’s really cool having Ice Cube in the movie. There are plenty of successful sequels that use different actors.”

Gabe, 18: “I can really see Willem Dafoe as the bad guy -- he reminds me so much of my principal.”

Rebecca, 14: “I just don’t want to spend two hours watching things being blown up.”

Ta: “The first one was stupid enough already.”

“Star Wars: Episode III -- Revenge of the Sith”

Travis: “I’m going to see that movie 16 times.”

Alex: “You know those idiots who wait in line four days before the movie opens? That’s me. I just wish there was less Hayden Christensen, more Natalie Portman.”

Gabe: “He’s so bland.”

Alex: “At least he’s better than Chad Michael Murray.”

“Charlie and the

Chocolate Factory”

Ta: “It feels too over the top, but I’d still see it because of Johnny Depp.”

Travis: “I’d see it too, but I think I’m going to have nightmares about him.”

Gabe: “I don’t like his hair. It looks really creepy.”

Alex: “You think he looks like Michael Jackson?”

Jack, 18: “I still think Johnny Depp is the kind of actor you don’t mind spending two hours with.”

Ichizo, 14: “If only he was in ‘XXX.’ ”

“Fantastic Four”

Travis: “I wouldn’t miss it. I’ve been a ‘Fantastic Four’ fan since kindergarten.”

Ta: “I like superpowers, so I’d definitely go see it.”

Gabe: “The music was awesome, especially the Perfect Circle, which is one of my favorite bands. I’d go see the film just because of that.”

“House of Wax”

Alex: “I really hate Paris Hilton.

Ichizo: “She’s too rich and ditzy.”

Gabe: “Though I presume she’s going to be killed, which is a good thing.”

Alex: “If she got killed, I’d see the movie three times.”

Jack: “She’s just famous for being kinda slutty.”

Andrew: “Kinda slutty?”

“Stealth”

Gabe: “It looked cool at first, but then it started to feel old, like ‘I Robot.’ ”

Alex: “I thought it felt more like ‘Terminator’ or ‘The Matrix.’ It’s very cool. I like movies where robots get all the power and take over the world. And Jessica Biel is definitely my favorite visual effect.”

Ichizo: “Jamie Foxx brings tremendous respect to the movie, but going from ‘Ray’ to this feels like a letdown. He shouldn’t be doing just another action role.”

Ta: “I think it’s dumb to say ‘From the director of ‘The Fast and the Furious.’ I didn’t like that movie, why would I like this one?”

“Herbie: Fully Loaded”

Travis: “It feels like something for my 7-year-old cousin.”

Ta: “It seems like it had something from every other movie, like this from ‘Spy Kids,’ and that from ‘Charlie’s Angels.’ But it didn’t have anything original.”

Gabe: “I’m just sick of seeing Lindsay Lohan in every other movie made for a young audience.”

Alex: “And Hilary Duff in the other one.”

“Hitchhiker’s Guide

to the Galaxy”

Ichizo: “It made me feel like this could be happening to me. It gave you a sense of what it would be like to not be on Earth.”

Jack: “I’ve read the book, so it made it hard for me to like the movie. This felt like they’d boiled it down to explosions and weird humor that doesn’t work.”

“Mr. and Mrs. Smith”

Alex: “I can’t think of anyone hotter than Angelina Jolie.”

Jack: “How about Jessica Alba?”

Andrew: “Maybe she should have a fight to death with Angelina. I’d see that.”

The Big Picture runs Tuesdays in Calendar. Comments or suggestions can be e-mailed to patrick.goldstein@latimes.com.

(BEGIN TEXT OF INFOBOX)

Power of the Posse

Here’s how the Summer Movie Posse rated 17 of the trailers for the summer’s most anticipated films. Each trailer was rated on a 1-to-10 scale, with the highest possible score being 80.

1. “Star Wars: Episode III” 73

2. “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” 72

3. “Lords of Dogtown” 66

4. “The Longest Yard” 65.5

5. “Fantastic Four” 65

6. “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” 62

7. “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” 59.5

8. “House of Wax” 54

9. “Batman Begins” 50.5

10. “The Wedding Crashers” 44.5

11. “Stealth” 44

12. “Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo” 39.5