Her Afterlife Will Be a Celebration as She Joins the Sirens in the Sea

I was very interested in the brave article about taking charge of one’s own demise (“Crying and Digging,” by Nancy Rommelmann, Feb. 6). I’m a loving mother and grandmother, age 76, with no expectation of “passing on” in the immediate future. But when the time comes I’ve made arrangements for my family to take my ashes to Capri, Italy. I had wonderful visits there.

Close to the rocky beach and rising out of the sea are enormous rock formations called the Faraglioni. Legend says that it’s the place where mermaid sirens lured seamen to their doom. My children will scatter my ashes there so I can join my sister sirens and party with them forever. I’ve made financial arrangements so that my children and their children will go there when they want to visit Grandma. I think it’s a lovely gift to give them instead of the sadness that might follow the loss of a loved one. I prefer they celebrate the life I enjoyed.

Suzanne Hill

Los Angeles

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True, funerals can be elaborate and very pricey affairs, and some individuals have spent thousands on their final resting place--after all, we do live next to Hollywood. But the prices at Forest Lawn are substantially less: Families can select urns beginning at $34, complete funeral packages from about $5,600 and caskets from $400.

The article claimed that there is a right way to find comfort when someone dies. I’d agree with this. There is a right way to celebrate life when someone passes on, but it is different for everyone. From cremation to burial to aboveground interment; from Harley Davidson chopper parades to traditional services; from green burials to rock garden memorials--the only right way is whatever is best for each individual, family and situation.

For nearly 100 years, Forest Lawn has quietly and reverently taken our role as a community resource seriously. We believe that role includes providing accurate information and bringing art, events and celebrations of life that can’t be found anywhere else to the unique communities we serve.

John Warren

Senior Vice President

Forest Lawn Memorial Parks and Mortuaries

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I am surprised to see how the ideal funerals suggested in the article seem to reflect Jewish traditions about burial. The body is washed, wrapped in a plain cloth shroud and placed in a wood coffin. Embalming is forbidden, unless required by civil law, since the body, having lost its function as the residence of a mind and soul, is to devolve to its original physical components and be recycled. All of those present are invited to help fill in the grave after the body is lowered.

We also use stone grave markers. A cemetery is considered sacred ground rather than a nature preserve and must be clearly designated and easily recognized. Many non-Jewish people who attend funerals I perform comment on how meaningful it is for them to be invited to participate by placing earth in the grave. It provides catharsis, closure and an opportunity to say goodbye.

Rabbi Gilbert Kollin

Pasadena

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My father passed away in May 2003 following a long struggle with a cancerous brain tumor. It was enormously difficult for his family and friends to see this once brilliant and strong man decline. However, our pain was tempered by the fact that we were able to spend his final days together, at my parents’ home, rather than in the sterile, cold environment of a hospital.

Our family decision not to call 911 in the final days was made with conviction and certainty that we were doing what he would have wished. With the gentle guidance of hospice workers and the assistance of family members, we allowed my father a peaceful death.

Julie Klussman Sacks

Newbury Park