Confusion on Patron’s Part: A Waiter Isn’t a Gofer

Talk about ordering off the menu.

In an Anaheim Hills restaurant, a 40ish husband informed waiter Nick Gannon that he and his wife were running late and wanted to see a movie playing elsewhere in the shopping center.

“Can you go get us the movie times and we’ll be ready to order by the time you come back,” the husband said.

Gannon politely told him that he could not because he was also waiting on other tables.

A better reply would have been: I’ll be your server, not your servant.

Another crazy diet? Dan Kaplowitz of Whittier and Woody Westbrook of Pico Rivera found just the dish for those of you who’ve been ordered to increase your fat intake by your doctor (see accompanying).

Unreal estate: Jan Hopkins of Huntington Beach found a resident who wasn’t satisfied with 21 bathrooms -- he had to have that extra toilet and sink (see accompanying).

Good night!: “I’ve heard about small towns rolling up the streets at sunset,” said Stan Schwarz of Pasadena, “but I didn’t know they did it here in L.A., too.” (see photo).

School daze: More student bloopers collected by high school teacher Juel Goldstock:

* They lacked parental guidance. They were salvages.

* My bedroom is round and has 4 walls.

* Q. Where is Magic Mountain? A: It’s in the Magic Mountains.

* Mute: adj. silent. The mute is too loud.

* Q. Where did Lee surrender to Grant? A: Germany.

* Parched: adj. dry. “I washed my clothes. Mom, can you parched them?”

* Frankenstein’s monster killed but, in his heart, he had softener for women.

* I’m an only child so I get my own walking closet.

L.A. Insult of the Day: From San Francisco Chronicle TV critic Tim Goodman: “Fully realized ideas in television are like natural breasts in Los Angeles -- rare, elusive and wonderful.”

miscelLAny: In the category of unfortunate phrasing in an advertisement, Bill Quade of Van Nuys recalled a radio spot in which a hospital asked listeners “to open your heart and give blood.” And that’s all the news from Only in L.A. from our offices here, just south of the Magic Mountains.

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.