What pairs well with eternal fire?

I haven’t been to hell, but I’ve seen the floor plans, and I have to tell you, Satan’s got one heck of a crib. It’s said that his deck, perched on a bluff overlooking the Slough of Despond, has a million-dollar view, but what really inspires the sin of envy is his grill setup.

With its pimped-out dual-use lava-lined barbecue pit (bottomless, of course) that both smokes and slow-roasts the wicked, it’s adjustable for full-on heat or a slow burn. It’s sophisticated, yes, but few grill masters are more experienced. The devil gets it. He knows that a side of salmon and a rack of ribs call for different fires, different cooking times, different accents of smoke and heat.

He knows too that, just as there are descending circles of hell, the wines to pair with grilled food must have a similar downward trajectory, gaining depth, body and tannic fortitude for every degree of smoke and char.

Here are wine-pairing suggestions for the Seven Circles of Grilling, cribbed straight from Lucifer’s notebook. It didn’t come cheap; I had to make a little deal to get it. But it should be OK. He’s a chronic liar, right? He can’t possibly mean what he said.

Circle 1: vegetables

There are no vegetables in hell, except those grown especially to serve to the sinners who hate them, as punishment. There is a farmers market in nearby limbo, but the produce is not exactly seasonal -- no seasons there, just a perpetual, er, limbo.

Vegetables lead with their energy. Whether earthy portabellos, bitter chicories or sweet squash, the tastes are vivid. Vividness in wine, by contrast, comes from acid, so pair a wine -- a white, most likely -- with a spine of acidity. A touch of sweetness mitigates any bitterness from char, especially in foods such as grilled radicchio and endive.

Perhaps the best choice is a fresh but ample-bodied Sauvignon Blanc. Napa Valley has seen a Sauvignon renaissance recently, with grassy, un-oaked or lightly oaked standard-bearers such as Voss and Honig, and newer wineries like Cliff Lede, Selene, and Origin-Napa taking this richer, fleshier style to new levels.

Mushrooms, eggplant and other more earthbound vegetables tend to gather more depth on the grill, like meat. They need the modest tannins of a lightly chilled cru Beaujolais such as the 2003 from Morgon, by Trenel Fils.

Circle 2: fish

Lucifer freely admits he is not mad for fish. This is partly because there is no water in hell (only steam) but, more to the point, fish tends to be delicate, calling for brief cooking times and so a cooler fire and a lighter touch. You need a lighter wine as well. For flakier fish such as halibut, Pinot Gris and Pinot Grigio (from the same grape) offer the right range. Italian Pinot Grigios such as Elena Walch, Villa Russiz and Livio Felluga are bright, tightly wound wines, whereas a Pinot Gris like Ponzi or Adelsheim from Oregon will be rounder and more fleshy. Both have enough acidity to liven flavors and cleanse the palate.

The flavors of salmon are richer and deeper; when properly grilled the oils seem to sweeten the flesh slightly, and the smoke and grill marks make Pinot Noir an ideal choice. Pinots from the Central Coast, such as Talley’s 2003 from the Arroyo Grande Valley, have a delicate, green-wood smokiness that is ideal for salmon grilled medium rare.

And don’t forget rose, if for nothing else than to have on hand to sip as you sweat next to the grill. For pairing with grilled food, choose a sturdy French pink, such as the smoky, Grenache-based Tavels, or the 2004 Chateau Mourgues du Gres, a vibrant Costieres de Nimes.

Circle 3: chicken

Interestingly, in hell, chickens fly -- they’d burn off their toes otherwise. All the activity tends to produce a leaner bird however, and this poses a problem: lean cuts such as chicken breast often taste more like grill than chicken. The solution is finding a wine with enough delicacy to address a low-fat breast’s relative neutrality but that can stand up to the char and smoke.

For this there is nothing better than the smoky, gamey, wild-herb briskness of Loire red wines made from Cabernet Franc. Chinons, such as the 2003s by Charles Joguet and Marc Bredif, are among the most visible, but also seek out Saumur and Saumur-Champigny from producers like Domaine Filliatreau, which tend to have a more velvety texture than the rustic Chinon.

A spit-roasted or butterflied whole chicken is cooked more slowly, absorbing more flavor and smoke from the coals. That added depth suggests a succulent wine with rich red fruit. Choose a Spanish Garnacha blend from the Priorat, such as the Mas Igneus FA 206, or one of the great old-vine Grenaches of Australia’s McLaren Vale such as Tintara’s Reserve. Other options: plummy South Australia blends such as Torbreck’s “The Steading.”

Circle 4: pork

Although the Prince of Darkness and the pig have no particular affinity (aside from deviled ham), there is an under-appreciated quality to the animal that the devil finds appealing. Of course it doesn’t hurt that the pig was practically invented for the fire pit. Slow-cook methods are covered below, but arguably the best grilled pork is the quickest: chops and loin.

The versatile pork chop brings its own feral savor to the grill, an element that’s deepened with wood smoke and heat. It requires a wine with a little tannic oomph to it. There are several possibilities, including Argentinian Malbec or a barrique-aged Barbera from Piedmont. But Sangiovese is one of the most reliable. Whether it’s a classic Chianti from Querciabella or a more tightly grained Rosso di Montalcino from the likes of Silvio Nardi, Sangiovese has the density of texture and the tannic structure to face up to pork’s more untamed flavor elements -- and yet it’s light enough in body to coexist with leaner, firmer cuts.

Circle 5: lamb

I’ve read in certain prayer books that one of the devil’s favorite little catchphrases is “leading lambs to slaughter,” not only because it’s a fine analogue for his profession, but because of all of the incredible meat that’s guaranteed him in the outcome. It’s hard to blame him. With its musky scent and smoky depth of flavor, it’s quite possible that of all the meats, lamb might be the meatiest, making it perfect with Rhone Valley wines. Indeed, Rhone reds, for all their deep, dark fruit flavors, are famously sauvage, with descriptors -- bacon, blood, air-cured meat, roasted bones, smoke, white pepper -- that seem more at home in a butcher shop than a wine barrel.

For lamb you need wine with a commensurate level of meatiness. Choose from either the smoky Syrahs from St. Joseph in the Northern Rhone, such as J.L. Chave’s Offerus or Yves Cuilleron’s L’Amarybelle, or go for the meaty blends of the Southern Rhone from Vacqueyras or Gigondas. Domaine Montirius makes one from each region; these are blends of astonishing precision and clarity, and they’re made from fruit grown biodynamically -- a practice so darkly alchemical that the devil feels quite comfortable with it.

Circle 6: ribs and brisket

LONG-COOKED meats, whether ribs, whole pig or whole shoulder, or the various lesser cuts of beef such as brisket, lie in the pit for what seems like anyone’s definition of eternity, roasting in their own juices, sopping up smoke and flavor like a sponge.

Such cuts are best with a wine that’s rich, fruity, dense and black, with plenty of tannins to draw fat away from the palate. Petite Sirah and Zinfandel, classics of American viticulture, fit the bill for generous fruit and ample tannin. Petite Sirahs tend to be denser and have a savory spice component that complements most barbecue sauces. Two favorites: the velvety Stephen Ross from Thomann Station in Napa Valley, and the powerful Foppiano Petite Sirah from Bacigalupi Vineyard in the Russian River Valley. For Zinfandel, look to Howell Mountain Vineyards for one that’s deep and dark and mountain grown. Gary Farrell also makes several outstanding Zins; grab his Tina’s Block, drawn from Maple Vineyard.

Circle 7: tri-tip

The Central Coast is home to heat, fog, cows, strawberries, vineyards, echoes of Miles Raymond’s Merlot invectives, Jacko supporters -- a bit of a devil’s playground, in other words. It is also home to barbecue, lots of it, and most of it’s tri-tip. Thickly cut and naturally rich, slow-cooked tri-tip has such full-on flavor that a full-on wine from the same part of the country seems like the most sensible pairing. Again, you’d want sufficient tannin to match the rich beefy texture, and that would mean Syrah.

Edmunds St. John makes a gentle, reserved cool weather Syrah at Bassetti Vineyard. Paige 23’s Syrah from the Santa Ynez Valley is similarly restrained. In Santa Maria Qupe winemaker Bob Lindquist makes several single vineyard Syrahs in the style of his masterful Hillside Estate from Bien Nacido Vineyard. For a richer style, seek out John Alban’s best known red, the brooding, black olive-scented Reva.

What flavors and possibilities lie beneath the seventh circle I cannot tell you. Probably there are levels below this -- some say there are nine -- where the bones roast and the gristle flames to the hardness of stone. All I know is that I found an out; I gave the Prince the slip and ascended and, upon emerging, came forth to re-behold the stars.

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The descent from fresh and bright to dark and rich

2004 Cliff Lede Napa Valley Sauvignon Blanc. Richly fruity and succulent, with grassy top notes and a melony middle palate. Ideal for scallops with grilled radicchio. At John & Pete’s Fine Wines in West Hollywood, (310) 657-3080; Mission Wines in South Pasadena, (626) 403-9463 ($18).

2003 Trenel Fils Morgon Beaujolais. Exuberant red-berry fruit with a hint of herb and light tannins. Chill slightly before serving for maximum refreshment. Serve it with peppered grilled portabello mushrooms. At Woodland Hills Wine Co.; Bristol Farms in Pasadena ($14).

2003 Elena Walch Alto Adige Pinot Grigio. Bone dry, with zippy grapefruit flavors and a lively current of acidity. Delicious with a whole sea bass. At Wine House in West L.A., (310) 479-3731; Larchmont Village Wine, Spirits & Cheese in L.A., (323) 856-8699 ($18).

2003 Ponzi Willamette Valley Pinot Gris. Firm yet fleshy with light floral aromas and dry quince flavors; a fresh, salty tang in the finish. Try it with grilled halibut. At Mel & Rose Liquor & Deli in West Hollywood, (323) 655-5557; Bacchus in Manhattan Beach, (310) 374-2021 ($20).

2003 Talley Arroyo Grande Valley Pinot Noir. Clean, red cherry fruit accented by a pleasing green-herb tinge, like thyme set to smoke in a cast-iron skillet. Bring it out when you’re grilling salmon. At Mission Wines; John & Pete’s Fine Wines & Spirits ($31).

2004 Chateau Mourgues du Gres ‘Le Galets Roses’ Costieres de Nimes. Pretty and substantial rose made with Syrah; cherry juice, lightly tinged with smoke. A perfect companion for grilled salmon. At Woodland Hills Wine Co. in Woodland Hills, (818) 222-1111; Mission Wines ($14).

2001 Mas Igneus FA 206 Priorat. Powerful, expressive Garnacha with a hint of Cabernet Sauvignon. Aromas of red berries and leathery dried meat with a firm tannic close. Would be wonderful with a dry-rub grilled chicken. At the Wine Country in Signal Hill, (562) 597-8303; Liquid Wine and Spirits in Chatsworth, (818) 709-5019 ($19).

2002 Tintara Reserve McLaren Vale Grenache. From older vines, this silky, deeply colored Grenache is firm, sappy and long, with flavors of black raspberry and marbled beef. Delicious with spit-roasted chicken. At Cap ‘n Cork in L.A., (323) 665-1260, and Wine House ( $17).

2002 Torbreck “The Steading” Barossa Valley Red Blend. Solidly built on a smoky core of red currant and red cherry, this blend of Grenache, Syrah and Mataro is fresh and sappy with expressive red fruit flavors and great balance. Serve with grilled chicken. At Wally’s; Wine House; Woodland Hills Wine Co. ($33).

2001 Querciabella Chianti Classico. A classic Chianti with medium body, pristine red cherry fruit and a very precise tannic contour. Serve it with smoked pork chops. At Wally’s Wine and Spirits in Los Angeles, (310) 475-0606 ($25).

2002 J.L. Chave Offerus St. Joseph. From the great Hermitage producer, this 100% Syrah is quite a bit more accessible in its youth. Silky, smoky, deep black-fruit aromas and irresistibly juicy blackberry flavors overlaid with flavors of air-dried meat. Serve it with New Zealand lamb chops. At the Wine Country; Friends of the Vine ($29).

2002 Stephen Ross Napa Valley Thomann Station Petite Sirah. Remarkable concentration and balance with a blueberry fruit tinged with mulling spices and a velvet rope of supple tannin. Best with burgers or long-cooked brisket. At Friends of the Vine in Redondo Beach, (310) 792-5940; Liquid Wine and Spirits ($29).

2002 Howell Mountain Vineyard Black Sears Vineyard Napa Valley Zinfandel. Powerful and rich Zinfandel from one of the highest vineyard sites in Napa. Smoky aromas give way to earthy flavors of blackberry and tar. A natural with baby back ribs. At Silverlake Wine in L.A., (323) 662-9024; Wades Wines in Westlake Village, (818) 597-9463 ($39).

2001 Paige 23 Santa Barbara County Syrah. Supple, deeply flavored Syrah from cool vineyard sites in the Central Coast. Scents of olive and char-grilled beef accent blackberry jam flavors. Would be delicious with grilled tri-tip. At Woodland Hills Wine Co.; Friends of the Vine ($25).