Finally, the Truth From Bonds’ Mouth

Barry “Melonhead” Bonds recently espoused his views on steroids to ESPN. For those of you not accustomed to Barry-speak, following are actual quotes and translations of interview excerpts:

“You’re talking about something that wasn’t even illegal at the time.”

Translation: I’ve been on the juice for a long time.

“We don’t train four years for, like, a 10-second [event]. We go 162 games. You’ve got to come back day after day after day.”

Translation: I need juice to prolong my career.

“There are far worse things, like cocaine, heroin and those types of things.”

Translation: There are a lot worse illegal drugs being used than the illegal drug I’m using.

“I tell my boy, ‘If I see you doing steroids, I’ll bust you up.’ And I mean it.”

Translation: Son, I’ll kick your butt if you end up being a cheating melonhead like me.

“Money doesn’t make me play this game.”

Translation: I want all the records, fame and glory and I can get it by pulling the wool over on all you suckers.

Michael Kitahara

Ferndale