When in doubt, do nothing

First sign of spring: Strawberries big as baseballs.

Second sign of spring: Fall soccer sign-ups.

Seriously, is there any food more perfect than a deviled egg?

Car I’d most love to wake up next to: the Audi A6.

Woman I’d most love to drive around? I’m thinking, I’m thinking....

Middle age is that point in life when you finally understand the infield-fly rule.


L.A.'s signature sandwich: the burrito.

L.A.'s signature dish: Halle Berry.

Squeaky new fan belt? Try a little surf wax.

The Dodgers’ best off-season move was ditching the rubberized warning track and bringing back the dirt.

Now, bring back double-bagger peanuts.

And Lo Duca.

“Nothing is so bad that it can’t be made worse by firing the coach.” -- Jim


You can’t buy your friends.

You can’t sell them either.

I can’t really decide where I stand on


Commitment is just a slightly soothing form of submission.

Speaking of soothing, someone please bring back Joe Benson, America’s last great DJ.

Middle age is that point in life when you realize patience is a weapon.

Two kids are enough.

But three are better.

Four kids? Let me get back to you on that.

Mint chocolate chip is the best ice cream.

Sierra Nevada is the best beer.

For me, sex is the only aphrodisiac.

When you label something “a dog,” it should be considered a compliment.

“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” -- Oscar Wilde

All men have a little bit of Willy Loman in them.

All women are their mother.

Tony Soprano, please pick up the nearest red courtesy phone. Tony Soprano, red courtesy phone.

Of all the things you could sew together soundly, a baseball would seem to be the least likely.

Pete Carroll is America’s best coach -- in any sport.

Uncles are underrated.

“Desperate Housewives” is overrated (but still worth watching).

“By the time you eliminate the kids who can’t play and the kids with crazy moms, there’s only about three players left.” -- My buddy Paul, on the

challenges of a Little League draft.

When in doubt, do nothing.

When 100% sure, think about it for one more day.

Middle age is that point in life when food becomes a fantasy object.

Best new TV show: “The Office.”

A hit show just waiting to happen:

“Desperate Uncles.”

Best new family attraction: Kidspace in Pasadena (the new one near the Rose Bowl).

Squeaky door? Try bath soap on the hinge pin.

Paul Giamatti was born to play Hunter S. Thompson.

Kevin Costner was born to do baseball movies.

Whatever happened to “buddy flicks”?

“A Scout troop consists of 12 little kids dressed like schmucks, followed by a big schmuck dressed like a little kid.” -- Jack Benny.

There are no shortcuts.

But there’s always an easy way out.

Four kids? I’m thinking, I’m thinking....

Chris Erskine can be reached at