Being nosy is his class assignment

A likably brash Nick Cannon stars in the routine “Underclassman” as a free-spirited Venice Beach bicycle cop who gets his long-sought chance to make detective when his captain (Cheech Marin) reluctantly agrees to let him pose as a student at a posh Westside prep school to investigate a murder. In the process Cannon discovers the merit of buckling down and getting a diploma and suspects that a popular student (Shawn Ashmore), with whom he strikes up a friendship, knows more than he’s willing to reveal.

Marcos Siega’s direction is well-paced, but writers David T. Wagner and Brent Goldberg haven’t brought anything sufficiently fresh or original to a formula plot to allow “Underclassman” to rise above the level of a mildly diverting video rental.

-- Kevin Thomas

“Underclassman,” PG-13 for violence, sexual references, drug material and some teen drinking. Running time: 1 hour, 33 minutes. In general release.

*

‘Eternal’ has fangs but no real teeth

Wilhelm Liebenberg and Federico Sanchez’s “Eternal” is a lush-looking but laughable lesbian vampire movie. It seems that 16th century Hungarian countess Erszebet Bathory, credited with torturing and killing about 650 women, inspired the legend that she was a vampire whose bloodlust preserved her youth and beauty. As Elizabeth Kane (stunning Caroline Neron), she turns up in a secluded Montreal mansion where via the Internet she lures her victims, including Irina (Victoria Sanchez), the bi-curious wife of foul-mouthed, tiresomely macho vice detective Raymond Pope (Conrad Pla), who soon comes calling in search of his missing wife. (Elizabeth’s victims don’t turn into vampires but simply wind up dead.)

Raymond, who indulges in kinky sex with his partner’s wife (Ilona Elkin), begins a cat-and-mouse parrying with the enigmatic and seductive Elizabeth that leads to a lurid bloodbath orgy at her Venetian palazzo. That the acting is stilted and that the filmmakers and especially Pla take themselves so seriously serves to make “Eternal” deliriously silly camp fare.

-- Kevin Thomas

“Eternal,” Unrated. Nudity, strong sexuality and language, lurid vampire bloodlust, violence. Running time: 1 hour, 48 minutes. Exclusively at the Regent Showcase, 614 N. La Brea Ave., L.A., (323) 934-2944.