One Day In and It’s Already Old for Dodgers

The Los Angeles Old-Timers took the field at 1:09 p.m., and by 1:16 it appeared the season was over.

This was not good news for Old-Timers Kenny Lofton and Nomar Garciaparra, who never made it out of the training room for the first game.

Dodger GM Ned Colletti, a.k.a. The Schmoozer, who helped assemble the Giants’ aging roster and then watched it collapse, decided to do the same thing here. He apparently doesn’t live by the adage, “I never make the same mistake twice.”

When Vin Scully mentioned Bobby Thomson and Ralph Branca before the game, I got to wondering whether Sandy Alomar Jr. was catching that day.

On this chilly, raining opening day, of course, I was worried about all those creaky old bones in the Dodger clubhouse and not surprised in the least to hear the old shortstop The Schmoozer hired to play first -- based on Garciaparra’s experience there in Little League -- had pulled a muscle swinging a bat a day earlier.

The good news, Garciaparra told me, was that he didn’t swing and miss.

“I fouled the ball off,” he said, which at least shows he has more potential than Hee-Seop Choi, the team’s previous first baseman.

Two hours before the opener, and after talking about the injuries to his Old-Timers, I told The Schmoozer it was starting to drizzle, and he said, “Then things are looking up.”

It’s probably not a good sign when the team’s GM prefers a rainout to playing the first game, but if you had to start the season with Olmedo Saenz as your No. 5 hitter, you’d be rooting for rain too.

The Dodgers not only ran out of pinch-hitters but fell a run shy of the Braves, although on a bright note, J.D. Drew ran onto the field for pregame introductions and did not get hurt.

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LOFTON TOOK exception to being called an Old-Timer and then offered the first ridiculous quote of the new season: “I’m in the best shape of anyone on this team,” he said, and because he’s on the disabled list, he’s obviously in no shape to play for the Dodgers.

“I don’t hear you guys calling Roger Clemens old,” Lofton said, and when I said, “We call him retired,” Lofton got perturbed, and what a relief to know there’s always one in the Dodger clubhouse, which makes for good times ahead for Page 2.

“We’ll be having several chats about you Old-Timers during the year,” I said, and bringing back fond memories of Jason Phillips, Lofton tried to think of something clever to say, and replied, “No we won’t.”

Then he made for the door, his sore leg obviously keeping him from moving as quickly as he would have liked.

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I’M DISAPPOINTED to report I couldn’t get a rise out of Garciaparra, who not only stuck by his cliches, but when challenged about his annoying pre-at-bat ritual of tugging at his batting gloves, he said the endorsement money from the batting gloves certainly doesn’t annoy him.

I’ve got to make sure Garciaparra doesn’t hang around Lofton and ruin Page 2’s potential fun.

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THE DODGERS were claiming a moral victory because they kept coming back against the Braves.

“That shows you this team’s intensity,” Drew said, as if it’s something special to play as hard as you can in the first game of the season.

Manager Grady Little said, “I was very impressed with the way we came back. If we continue to do that all year, we’re going to have a lot of fun.”

Little announced before the season he would be happy if the team started 7-7. You can imagine how well that speech went over in the clubhouse: “Men, let’s go out there and go 7-7 to start the year.”

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I STOPPED by the booth to wish Scully well, knowing how nervous he must get about going on TV again, but he seemed to have it together.

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LOS ANGELES Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa was standing arm-in-arm with Frank McCourt and Frank’s Old Lady on the field. I’d expect him to do the same Friday with Arte Moreno when the Los Angeles Angels play their home opener.

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RON CEY showed up carrying an umbrella. Why would a Penguin need an umbrella?

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TOM LASORDA, who couldn’t get the ball to home plate throwing out the first pitch in Japan for the World Baseball Classic, threw out the first pitch for the Dodgers and tossed a strike to Cey ... who was standing six feet away.

At the time no one knew it’d be better than anything Derek Lowe had to offer.

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RICK HONEYCUTT made his first appearance as the team’s new pitching coach, going to the mound in the fifth, and after chatting with Lowe, Andruw Jones hit the next pitch for a three-run homer.

“I told Honeycutt whatever you just told Lowe, don’t ever tell him that again,” Little said.

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THE FIRST pitch Dodger reliever Franquelis Osoria threw ended up landing over the right-field fence for a Ryan Langerhans home run. The second pitch was hit to right for a single. Things were looking up for Osoria, though, because Honeycutt opted not to come out and talk to him.

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A SMALL crowd remained after the game, waiting patiently for an autograph from the Ex-Parking Lot Attendant, and while I was thinking what kind of life do these people live, I took the opportunity, of course, to get one for myself.

“To T.J.,” he wrote, “from your pal, Frank McCourt, LA ’06.”

Eat your heart out, everybody.

T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.