Call Arte Annoyed With a Big A

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?) owner Arte Moreno began testifying Friday and will resume Monday morning. He’s trying to convince an Orange County jury that he didn’t violate the team’s lease with Anaheim when he changed its name last year from Anaheim Angels to the LAA of A.

In the 75 minutes or so he spent on the stand Friday, Moreno and Anaheim attorney Andy Guilford were just getting warmed up. Guilford served up a few unintended straight lines, and Moreno -- who sports a George Bush-like style of humor -- got some big laughs with his responses. Guilford no doubt wrote himself a Post-it note Friday night: Don’t ask Arte a question if you don’t know what the punch line is going to be.

The give-and-take was civil, the exact opposite of how I think Moreno wants it. This guy is steaming inside, furious that he put up $180 million for the team and can’t market it the way he wants. He knows he found a technicality on the name issue but probably figures Anaheim ought to be happy he’s given it a hot franchise -- not to mention $5.5 million from ticket revenue in his three years. In the previous seven years on the same plan, the Disney Co. turned over $400,000 to the city.

So, here’s my take on how Moreno wishes the questioning had gone.

Guilford: Good afternoon, Mr. Moreno.

Moreno: Hrrmmmgh.

G: Excuse me?

M: I said, good afternoon.

G: You are the Angels owner, is that correct?

M: No, I run a transgender surgery center in Oslo. (Pause). Of course, I’m the Angels owner. Why else do you think I’d be sitting up here? By the way, can I have a cushion?

G: We’ll try to find you one. Why did you buy the Anaheim Angels, Mr. Moreno?

M: So I could spend a couple hundred million dollars of my own money on a team and then be told how to run it by the Anaheim City Council.

G: You seem a little hostile.

M: Come here and say that.

G: Isn’t it true, Mr. Moreno, that you easily could have resolved this issue, without a trial, by negotiating with Curt Pringle?

M: Who?

G: Curt Pringle, the mayor of Anaheim.

M: Oh, him. I’d rather tour the country in a small non-ventilated RV with George Steinbrenner.

G: You’re aware that the lease says the team name will include “Anaheim?”

M: You don’t say.

G: And you think you have abided by that?

M: Are you aware that I once was worth a billion dollars?

G: What’s that got to do with anything?

M: I just thought the jury would like to know.

G: You don’t have much regard for Anaheim, do you?

M: Please define “much regard.”

G: Let me rephrase. You think so little of the city that you’re embarrassed to have its name attached to your baseball team. Isn’t that correct?

M: To the contrary. I can think of few cities in America that generate as much advertising buzz as Anaheim. I put it right up there with New York, San Francisco and Miami.

G: Are you being sarcastic, sir?

M: Say, you must have been No. 1 in your law class.

G: I’ll let that slide. What would you say if I told you that everyone thinks Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim is an insult to their intelligence?

M: That depends. If someone said it who worked for me, I’d fire them.

G: Did you really expect people to believe that “Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim” was a good-faith name for a team? You’re from Arizona. Would the “Phoenix Suns of Tucson” make sense?

M: Well, they are in the same state.

G: Isn’t it true that you wish the name “Anaheim” would vanish from the Major League Baseball scene?

M: More than anything in the world.

Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. He can be reached at (714) 966-7821 or at dana.parsons@latimes.com. An archive of his recent columns is at www.latimes.com/parsons.