Keene Lightened the Traffic Load With His Freeway Hootings

As a traffic reporter for KNX-AM (1070) radio, the witty Bill Keene used to pepper his bulletins with references to such problem spots as Poop Out Hill (Sepulveda Pass), the Puente Pause (on the 10 Freeway), Billboard Alley (the 101 in Agoura Hills) and Malfunction Junction (the meeting of the 5, 10, 60 and 101).

Now, the late Keene is part of the system. The other day, on what would have been his 80th birthday, Caltrans officially named the interchange of the 101 and 110 freeways after him (see photo).

Wonder what Keene would have dubbed it.

The Keene Krawl, perhaps.

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Sultan of the SigAlert (cont.): Keene was an inveterate punster. After one seafood spill, he commented that when officers arrived it would be a “fish ‘n’ CHiPs” situation.

On another occasion, when a bull attacked a black-and-white police car in Newhall, he commented, “I guess if it was a Holstein it thought the car was a female.”

The nice thing about Caltrans erecting a sign to honor Keene is that motorists aren’t just going to whiz by it. Not the way freeway traffic moves in L.A.

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Dig this: Long Beach mortician Kenneth McKenzie was looking for a fundraising project and came up with an idea for a unique calendar (see photo).

Yup, what a combination: mortuaries and muscles.

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Unclear on the concept: “Until I received this flier, I hadn’t heard that cows had been genetically engineered to give orange juice,” wrote David Johannsen of Torrance (see accompanying).

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Unreal estate: Nancy Stewart of Whittier saw an ad for some property with an unusual “bonus” -- one that could disappear if it’s not found to be up to code (see accompanying).

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Radio daze: Talk show host Phil Hendrie of KLAC-AM (570) is leaving radio, and I admit I’ll miss some of his provocative guests.

Like the homeowners association president who arranged to have the electricity turned off at any member residence that did not take down Christmas lights by Jan. 15.

Or the proprietor of fashionable Ted’s of Beverly Hills, which forbade its customers to leave with food in doggie bags (too low-class, said Ted, who instead would throw out the leftovers).

Or the couple who decided to have a stripper at their son’s high school graduation so as to prepare him for the future when he might encounter such entertainment.

What these guests had in common was that they were all fakes -- just different voices of Hendrie’s that would incite unknowing listeners.

OK, I admit I first thought Ted’s was so exclusive it had an unlisted number.

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miscelLAny: Tom Arthur, the former Dodger concessionaire who died the other day, was the creator of the popular Dodger Dog. You may recall that when word leaked that a subsequent purveyor of eats at Dodger Stadium had decided to abandon the Dodger Dog, there were so many cries of outrage that the DD was quickly reinstated. Jeff Bliss thinks the least the Dodgers could do to commemorate Arthur is give him a 21-bun salute.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083; by fax at (213) 237-4712; by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012; and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.