Armstrong Had Some Bottled-Up Craving

Lance Armstrong told Men’s Journal magazine that since retiring from competitive bicycle racing, he’s able to enjoy life’s simple pleasures.

Asked by author Tom Brokaw when was the last time he had too much to drink, Armstrong responded: “Recently. I mean, for 20 years I lived like a monk, but now, if you open a bottle of red, I’ll be the first one at the table.”

Brokaw: “Or crack a Corona?”

Armstrong: “A cold Corona with lime. Or a margarita with great tequila, not too sweet, no salt. Sign me up. I love that. I love it.”

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Trivia time: Armstrong won the Tour de France from 1999 to 2005. Who was the last U.S. cyclist before him to win the race?

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No regrets: Armstrong says he won’t miss racing in this year’s Tour, which begins July 1.

“The last couple of years, I would even say I hated racing. The only peaceful times were when I was at training camps, alone or with a few teammates, or at the races, in the hotel room, at the dinner table with my guys. That’s the stuff I really love. I won’t miss the Tour.”

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Full of baloney: Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle is using a motor home to get around Germany during the soccer World Cup and cites, as prior experience, the time he piloted the Oscar Mayer wienermobile.

“Man, if only I had that rig now,” he wrote. “In Germany, there can be no higher respect than you would get cruising the Autobahn in a 30-foot long, 150-kph sausage. At campgrounds, people would fall on their knees and pray.”

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Shooting back: Brazilian soccer star Ronaldo was asked by a TV reporter to respond to President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva’s assertion that the player had become fat.

Ronaldo’s response: “It’s as much a lie that I’m fat as it must be that he drinks a lot.”

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Odd couple: World surfing champion Kelly Slater was among honorees at Sunday’s 21st Cedars-Sinai Sports Spectacular, benefiting the facility’s Medical Genetics Institute.

Slater was introduced by rapper Snoop Dogg, who told the audience: “It’s probably the first time a black dude has introduced a surfer.”

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Because he sings like one: Jim Armstrong of the Denver Post had this to say regarding pitcher Jason Grimsley, who was released by the Arizona Diamondbacks after admitting to federal agents that he had used steroids and amphetamines:

“Given all those names he coughed up under pressure from the feds, maybe he could become a mascot. San Diego Chicken, meet the Phoenix Canary.”

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Answers anyone? The Czech Republic’s Nicole Vaidisova, who reached the semifinals of the French Open, told reporters she was not nervous about the coming Wimbledon tournament.

“Math is what worries me most,” Vaidisova, 17, said of her impending high school exams. “That is always a struggle.”

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Trivia answer: Greg LeMond won in 1989 and 1990.

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And finally: Shaquille O’Neal on himself: “To quote Kevin Garnett, if you don’t like Shaquille O’Neal, there’s something wrong with you.”