After bidding adios, he is hoping to say aloha

UCLA DEFENSIVE end Bruce Davis was wearing a T-shirt Monday that read, “Champions Made Here.”

We all wear old T-shirts, of course, and I can understand why no one is taking the financial risk of printing “Bowl Eligible Made Here” T-shirts until the Bruins have played another game or two, but I’d certainly buy a “Hawaii or Bust” T-shirt.

With three more games to play, the Bruins (4-5) need two more wins to become bowl eligible, and if everything falls in place, a sixth-place finish from UCLA will put the Bruins in the Hawaii Bowl.

Now you know why they had no interest this season in finishing third in the Pac-10 -- Lazarus still would be lying dead if he knew that if he got up in time to place third, he’d be on his way to El Paso for the Sun Bowl.

By the way, something to watch this Saturday in the Coliseum. Right now, Oregon is third in the Pac-10, and a loss to USC could drop the Ducks from third to fourth and send them to Las Vegas. I’m betting I know how this game goes.

I NEVER miss a UCLA bowl game, so I think it would be a fine reward for such tough duty and for having to watch this team disappoint so many times this season to spend several days in Hawaii with the Bruins. I might even take the wife. As you can see, I think it’s important to provide people with incentive.

That’s why I give Karl Dorrell credit -- and how often has anyone written that sentence? -- for putting the Bruins in the position of having to play all out for the remainder of the season. Hawaii or bust, all right.

In fact, the final game against USC could very well come down to just that, with the Bruins possibly getting the added incentive of not only beating the Trojans, but sending USC and Plaschke to El Paso.

I’m sure Dorrell already has a wonderful pep talk ready for Saturday’s game against Oregon State, but with any chance of sending Plaschke to El Paso, I didn’t want to take any chances and suggested this might be the time to tell his team that Hawaii beckons.

“That would be nice,” Dorrell said, while muttering something about taking one game a time. “But you’re right, that’s the prize at the end of the rainbow.”

I know I’d wear the T-shirt, “Let’s Send Plaschke to El Paso.”

As you can see, I believe it’s important everyone has a goal in their life. When the season began, Dorrell was wearing a blue wrist band, a reminder that the Pac-10 title was the Bruins’ No. 1 goal this season.

“The blue band stuff is out the window,” said Dorrell, who might want to think now about wearing a blue lei when he addresses the team before the USC game.

“We’re playing for ourselves now. We’re playing for our own credibility.”

That sounds a lot better than “We’re playing for sixth place or worse.”

DORRELL SAID he helped map out the game plan and then called about 20% of the offensive plays against Cal. Wonder where he got that idea.

“I wanted to help the offense and that’s where my expertise is at,” he said, while leaving open the possibility he would call more plays this week.

“But I’ve got to get into play-calling shape,” he joked, and I repeat, Karl Dorrell told a joke during his news conference.

I SAID something to Davis, who is ranked sixth nationally in sacks, about UCLA having little chance of winning its final three games and got the opportunity to feel the intensity opposing quarterbacks must feel when they face him.

“I don’t care if we’re playing the Pittsburgh Steelers,” Davis said. “We’re going to line up and strap it on.”

I would’ve been more impressed had he expressed a willingness to strap it on against the Colts. Right now, everyone would like the chance to play the Steelers.

CLIPPERS BROADCASTER Mike Smith said he heard John Wooden had a hole in one and a double eagle in the same round, which is pretty good for a guy who just turned 96.

Wooden, who has started the last two Mondays on the father-daughter gabfest with Uncle Fred by reciting inspiring poetry, said the story was true -- he did have a hole in one.

“A five-iron,” he said. And a double eagle “on a par five” in the same round.

“I shot a 77,” Wooden said -- sometime back in the ‘30s.

MIKE DUNLEAVY and Jeff Kent will be guests today on the morning radio show on 570 -- Dunleavy already catching a lucky break with Corey Maggette volunteering to be the sixth man and eliminating the chance of calling Dunleavy nuts for not starting the dynamo.

As for Kent, we’ll keep the Beverly Hills line open in case Barry Bonds would like to find out what Kent thinks about Bonds signing with the Dodgers.

I NOTICED an Elton Brand statue in Chris Kaman’s locker in Staples Center, and asked Kaman about it. He said he got the statue because he intended to walk off 100 yards and then try to shoot Brand’s ear off with an AR-15 rifle.

“It’s a tough shot,” he said, “but I’ll probably get the head.”

The good news, of course, is that the Clippers just extended Kaman’s contract for five years and gave him more than $50 million, so if he does miss, there’s no concern about him running out of ammunition. Or statues.

“They’ve got a whole bunch of statues,” Kaman said. “I might just line them all up and shoot ‘em.”

Sounds like a great halftime show.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.