Solid Old Dancers hit the NBA

“Cheerleader tryouts: Basketball team seeks performers for new pep squad. Must have some dancing ability. Must be able to learn and perform a variety of routines. Must be seniors.”

It sounds like your average posting at your average high school, except in this case, the seniors really must be seniors -- as in 60 or older.

The New Jersey Nets held tryouts Monday for their “first-ever senior dance team.”

At least that’s what they called it. They were either looking for aging cheerleaders, or people who remember the Nets’ last league championship (ABA, 1976).

The Nets’ senior dance team will have both men and women. Reasons are unclear, but the concept makes sense. After the women cheerleaders perform the splits, they will need someone close by to help them get back up.

The dancers will wear their ages on the backs of their uniforms and perform during at least six games this season, giving them adequate recovery time between performances.

Nets fans are being asked to come up with a name for the senior dancers. If the idea takes hold across the NBA, locally we are set on that one. They would, of course, be known as the “Lakers Golden Girls.”

Trivia time

Which former players hold the NFL Thanksgiving Day game records for most yards rushing and passing?

(Hint: One played at USC, the other at UCLA.)

Sour apple

The Baseball Yokels Assn. of America has spoken, robbing the Captain of the trophy that was rightfully his because the Yankees are hated in Peoria, or wherever it is that guy who sounds like a hockey forward plays.

That was how the New York Post greeted the news that

Minnesota Twins first baseman Justin Morneau had been named American League most valuable player, ahead of New York

Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter.

“JEETED” said the blaring headline on the cover of Wednesday’s Post.

“Anti-Yankee yokels cheat MVP Derek,” added a smaller headline just below.

Inside, the Post devoted two pages to how the country’s anti-Bronx bias costs Yankees in awards voting.

Somehow missing from the coverage was David Ortiz’s reaction to Alex Rodriguez’s being named AL most valuable player in 2005.

T-day tripleheader

The NFL has decreed that the NFL Network must have a game this Thanksgiving, so never mind the brain cells about to perish for the cause -- three there shall be!

Miami over Detroit: Joey Harrington returns to Detroit. To show their appreciation, thousands of fans show up at Ford Field dressed as interceptions.

Dallas over Tampa Bay: His team is 3-7, his quarterback lost his spleen, his offense is last in scoring in the NFC, yet Jon Gruden finds something to be thankful about. He’s not in Oakland anymore.

Denver over Kansas City: The NFL Network debuts its live regular-season coverage with this one. Jake Plummer throws out the ceremonial first wounded turducken.

Triva answer

O.J. Simpson rushed for 273 yards for Buffalo in a 27-14 loss to Detroit on Thanksgiving Day 1976. Troy Aikman passed for 455 yards for Dallas in a 46-36 loss to Minnesota on Thanksgiving Day 1998.

And finally

As several readers pointed out, Briefing went a little light Wednesday when quoting Time magazine’s survey about American consumption.

According to the survey, Americans on average consume 2.4 million Burger King Whoppers, 536,000 Domino’s pepperoni pizzas and 500,000 Hostess Twinkies a day. Throw in 1.9 million Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnuts a day, and you know why Americans drink 87,431 Slim-Fast Optima multi-pack shakes a day.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Eat up!

mike.penner@latimes.com