It’s a flood of responses, corny and otherwise

The e-mail continues to arrive, more than 1,400 responses so far to my request to board with some of the corn cobs sentenced to life in Nebraska the week before USC beats their football team on Sept. 15.

A number of people went out of their way to tell me where to go, of course, but another 100 or so extended personal invitations to join them on the prairie, including Spencer and Nicole Schoerock, who reside in Gladstone -- population 15.

“You could see the world’s largest porch swing in nearby Hebron,” they wrote, and speaking of big butts and having a place to sit, Ricki deCamp e-mailed from Lincoln to say, “I am one of those big-butted Nebraska women and I have a spare bedroom, and believe me there are no strings attached. I am 80 years old.”

I have offers from Gresham, David City, Fordyce, Omaha, Scottsbluff, Fort Morris, Holdrege and Lincoln.

“Every September 15th, the archery season for deer opens,” wrote Alan Kuzman. “If you stay with us, I’m sure I can find . . . some camouflage clothing for you.”

Now would I be hunting, or be the hunted?

“You’re not going to go through with this and actually stay with somebody, are you?” asked Dodgers pitcher Brad Penny. “I’d be scared.”

I’ll admit, I have some concerns. I had no idea that some might consider Nick Nolte the face of Nebraska -- a favorite son, born there and then moving away like a lot of people. I wouldn’t be surprised to check our own jails here, guessing ahead of time where many of them were born.

My immediate concern, though, is to make sure Jeffrey Dahmer, Charles Manson or Kevin Brown don’t have relatives living in Gladstone, Gresham, David City, Fordyce, Omaha, Scottsbluff, Fort Morris, Holdrege or Lincoln.

There’s no question these are angry people stranded out there in middle America, their e-mails filled with obscenities, although there’s also no question they are a creative lot -- given all the time in the world with nothing to do but think about what someone might do with a corn cob.

These people live among you, all right, if you live in a place where you have to kill something for dinner:

KAREN BOHABOY: “Where do you think the meat on your table comes from?”

Ralph’s.

AL WALTER: “I never thought about it before but you’re right, we do live a pretty boring life. When we’re really bored, we watch the beautiful Nebraska sunsets, or take a drive out to one of nature’s great wonders, the ‘sand hills’ where you can find native grasses as old as the earth itself. Or a trip to ‘Agate Fossil Beds’ national monument to view in awe all of the dinosaurs bones. When that bores us we drive into the beautiful Pine Ridge area to watch the inspirational and colorful customs of the Lakota Sioux. You’re right that we live pretty boring lives.”

Why do you think the dinosaurs died when they reached Nebraska?

TOM LARSON: “Red yer leter in da locl newspapr da uder day that yous lookin fer a place to stey in Neebrasska and well heck I talkd it over wit Eunice and well shucks yous kin stey at our place. We got a 2 bedrrom place fer us and 18 kids, ummm bout 9 boys and I thunk 6 girls. Just fixd da place up whil ago, put sum plywod round the place, heck ya kaint neven tell its a trailor. Luk frwrd to seing yu.”

You sound like someone who’d have no trouble understanding every word Grady Little has to say.

JORDAN EVANS: “This was one of the most ignorant articles I have ever read. Yeah, I’m sure there are some hicks out here, then again, there are plenty of gays out in California. But we just don’t go around making fun of people.”

Yeah, I can see that.

TODD JESS: “Life may be a little more slow paced here, but we still know that George Bush is the president, and most of us are OK with that.”

Just wait until you find out that his son gets elected president one day, and see how you like that.

JIM QUICK: “I am embarrassed to be a Californian. How or why would you write an article with the sole basis to make fun of people from another state? That is the stupidist article I may have ever read. I will discontinue my subscription to your newspaper. What an absolute idiot you maut be.”

“Must.” What an absolute idiot you MUST be.

PAMELA HOLMES: “We’d like you to stay with us. I have attached a picture of our house, as well as a picture of our whole family, taken at my son’s wedding last August. As you can see, I am a BIG BUTT-ed woman, so you will have a chance to see one up close. Not that you have to be up close to see it. Looking forward to your visit next month.”

That really is a BIG house.

JOANNE JONES: “At the end of the day, I know when I am on my death bed where I am going.”

Certainly to a better place.

TWO-STRAIGHT losses to Arizona now mean the Dodgers have lost consecutive series to the Diamondbacks, Giants, Rockies, Astros and Mets.

Looks like it’s time to revisit the Choking Dogs.

We were told the Dodgers didn’t need to make any moves at the trading deadline because the future and holding on to the franchise’s young players is more important than winning right now.

Tell that to Nomar Garciaparra, Luis Gonzalez, Jeff Kent and Dodgers fans who have enjoyed only one playoff win since 1988. How come a team can’t win now, and for years to come? Must I go Kobe on the Dodgers?

TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Mark Steele:

“I was in the Westfield Topanga Mall and the Dodgers were opening a new store. There is a picture of three jerseys -- the names on the back, you ask? ‘Gagne, Bradley and Drew.’ ”

Hopefully by Christmas they’ll have Schmidt, Wolf and Betemit.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.