Food Network risks spoilage

Emeril Lagasse was the Food Network’s first star, and over the last 10 years, they made each other famous. Last month, the network announced it was canceling “Emeril Live,” and a lot of people were upset about that. Overall ratings for the network are down, and Mario Batali, another chef-slash-restaurateur-slash-household name on the Food Network payroll, took a gentle swipe at his sometime bosses in the New York Times, saying the channel is dumbing down its programming to attract more viewers.

He’s right, but for the wrong reason.

Eating and TV are my two favorite things, so I watch a lot of Food Network. I want to see cooking, and I want to push my comfort level to create better food in my small kitchen; I want to learn about ingredients and the history of food; and I want to see cool places to eat -- here in Los Angeles and around the world. I want the shows to make me hungry.

But over the past two years, the Food Network’s been serving up the programming equivalent of gruel, thin and watery, all trying to attract more male viewers to the channel. In this effort, Chefs turned into Hosts, Food became Lifestyle, and Traveling Tips (somehow) morphed into Gimmicks.

And while the Food Network press machine goes into overdrive, making sure we know Rachael Ray is signed on for two more years, the answer to their problems is already in the Food Network kitchen. A guy’s guy who can cook. A man with personality and the potential -- dare I say it -- to be the next Emeril. His name is Michael Symon.

We met Symon this past summer on the reality series “The Next Iron Chef,” a spinoff of “Iron Chef America” (itself a spin-off of the Japanese import, “Iron Chef”). Symon is a rising star from the culinary outpost known as Cleveland. Right away, he came across as fun and self-deprecating; his local accent gives him an honest, working-class vibe, but he’s also clearly competitive -- and serious about his food. (The sight of his mangy soul patch made him the obvious winner, from Episode 1.) We’ve seen Symon on “Iron Chef America,” but he won, and his visibility on one of the network’s most exciting, cooking-based competition series gives me hope.

With Symon in the Food Network stable of available talent then, it is unfathomable why the network would also unleash “2 Dudes Catering,” a pair of best-friend chefs with three-day growth of beard as their primary asset. This show embodies everything that is wrong there.

It all started in 2006, when George Duran came into our living rooms as “Ham on the Street.” The portly Duran had “serious fun with food” but wacky cooking with power tools and microwaves didn’t work, so now Duran hosts “The Secret Life Of . . . “ replacing wimpy Ryan Seacrest wannabe Jim O’Connor. Unfortunately for everyone, Duran’s got a monotone that gives this entertaining collection of food-themed B-roll the appeal of overcooked tripe.

About the same time, Duff Goldman started showing up on various Food Network “challenges.” This innovative cake decorator from Baltimore looks like Uncle Fester found the bong. Duff embodies the irreverent personality the Food Network’s pushing. So now we have “Ace of Cakes,” not so much a “show” as a docu-dramedy about his shop, Charm City Cakes. It’s great that Duff hired his buddies, but cake decorating is an art form, specialized and intense -- and far more interesting than anything we see on this show each week.

Duran begot Duff, and they Xeroxed Duff to give us Fieri. That’s Guy Fieri, winner of the Food Network’s second season of its aptly named reality-series “The Next Food Network Star.” With his white-blond spiked hair and sunglasses hanging on the back of his neck, this self-confessed “Guido” makes food that is “off the hook.” Fieri doesn’t cook. Well, he did, for six episodes, but that was kind of boring. So they shoved him into a red convertible and made him the host of “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives.”

“D-cubed” is something the Food Network does great, serving up a show that’s part food, part travel and, in this case, part American dream, as most of the establishments seen on the show are family-owned success stories. I keep watching this show, but it would be better without Fieri -- who says “That is money,” a movie phrase right out of 1996, the same year Fieri was managing a Louise’s Trattoria.

Which brings us back to “2 Dudes Catering,” in which Vinny and Jon ask us to care about their high-profile L.A. catering business. Nothing ever really happens on this show, and it feels like I’m punching a time clock every time I watch it. On the episodes thus far, their skill and creativity -- especially compared to other chefs on the Food Network -- is too clever by half. And where are the hair nets?

On “The Next Food Network Star,” Food Network executives Bob Tuschman and Susie Fogelson tell the contestants how important it is to develop and project a culinary point of view, but only Symon creates food that reflects who he is.

Hey, Food Network -- just because the host looks like he fronted an alt-rock band in 1998 doesn’t mean men are going to watch. To ensure that, all you have to do is lower Giada De Laurentiis’ neckline. Again.

There are new shows coming from the Food Network soon. A down-home barbecue show, an “I’m Incompetent in the Kitchen” help-me show, and the return of Jamie Oliver. In the pilot, Jamie wears a flannel shirt and a knit cap.

And, of course, Emeril is still “involved” with the Food Network, which will continue to show “The Essence of Emeril” as well as “Emeril Live” reruns. But he does have time on his hands. Maybe Emeril could take Duran and Duff and Fieri and Vinny and Jon -- and the rest of the frat house -- and teach the boys how to cook.

That’s something I’d watch on the Food Network.