Who’s your granddaddy? Not this old guy

He’s 93, and looks every bit of it.

For the first time in years, Granddaddy will awaken today with cobwebs in his eyes and sludge in his step.

He will walk into his living room and discover two familiar neighborhood toughs reclining in his Barcaloungers only they won’t look so familiar.

USC will be sporting a black eye. Michigan will have a bloody lip. There will be crushed potato chips and empty soda cans and deep shrugs between them.

Neither will rise to greet Granddaddy with a handshake. Neither will even bother looking him in the eye.

“Um, welcome?” Granddaddy will say.

“Whatever,” USC will say.

“Pass the remote,” Michigan will say.

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Welcome to the 93rd Rose Bowl, which, by any other name, would stink.

What was once a destination has today become a detour.

Teams once marched here, but these guys were towed here.

USC was dragged in by UCLA after the worst loss of the Pete Carroll era. Michigan was shipped out by Ohio State at a cost of 503 total yards.

Both teams were within three hours of playing for the national championship. Both teams blew it. So both teams were gently patted on the back and handed a certificate for an all-expenses-paid trip to Consolationdena, Calif.

Granddaddy used to be the life of the party; today he is a parting gift.

The question is not about which team will be standing at the end of the game. It’s about which team will be standing to begin the game.

The Trojans have spent the last three weeks claiming they care very deeply about this game. I have spent the last three weeks claiming they are faking it.

C’mon. They are human. How can this really matter?

This is the first time in five years the Trojans have played a bowl game while not being ranked among the top five in the country. This the first time in four years they have entered a bowl not ranked first. This is also being played in a stadium where, in the past year, they have suffered two of the most disheartening defeats in USC history.

Bet they’re just dying to get off that bus.

In past years, prominent Trojans were swarmed for the entire hour of bowl media day activities. This year, the likes of Steve Smith and John David Booty were so ignored they spent much of the interview session on cellphones.

You don’t think they notice things like this?

“I know people are asking about it, I know people aren’t going to believe it, but we are going to be ready to play football,” Carroll said this week. “The players don’t know any other way. It’s in their blood.”

Blood that runs thicker in some than others.

“This is the game we have to go play in,” star receiver Dwayne Jarrett said, shaking his head. “We have to go here, we have to play hard here, we have to live with it.”

For the first time in many of these players’ college careers, this final game cannot give them a national title. It cannot even give them more respect in their own town, not after that loss to UCLA. There are only a handful of impact seniors on the team, so the leading motivation cannot be an emotional farewell. And if Carroll bolts to the NFL next season, as some annually suspect, this game might not even help the underclassmen’s report cards.

Forgive these student-athletes for thinking that the last day of the season feels like the last day before summer vacation. Tossed caps and paper airplanes everywhere.

“Certain things are created by the media, and this is one of them,” defensive end Lawrence Jackson barked. “People want to know, how can we get excited, how can we get up? Well, this is the Rose Bowl. These are two teams that could have been playing for the national championship.”

Could have, would have, should have ... not buying it, not one bit.

If the Trojans finish this unsettling season with a victory today, it might be the best of Carroll’s tenure. He has long been acclaimed for inspiring his team even through the most mundane tasks. It will take true genius to figure a way to light this fire.

Then there’s Michigan, which plays somewhat bored even in the best of times. The Wolverines had a chance to play for the national title twice, and both times were denied. Then the Rose Bowl knocked.

First, they could have entered the title game by beating Ohio State, which is where those untimely 503 yards of total offense allowed enter the picture. The Buckeyes waxed them; only a late Michigan touchdown made it seem close.

Then, that being their only loss of the season, the Wolverines still could have been placed in the national-title game by the Bowl Championship Series system. But the voters could not digest a schedule that included Ball State, Central Michigan and Vanderbilt.

Besides, who wanted to see them play Ohio State again? Give somebody else a chance. That somebody is Florida.

And so the Wolverines stumble into Pasadena with only hyperbole as their guide.

“Here at Michigan, you play for everything,” defensive end LaMarr Woodley growled. “You play for pride. You play for respect. At Michigan, it’s all about how you finish.”

But in the last three seasons, the entire college careers for many of its players, Michigan has finished with losses.

“That’s what we’re playing for,” Woodley said. “We have to win this game to show everyone that we’re not the same old Michigan team.”

At last, someone has dredged up something that resembles real motivation.

Advantage, Wolverines. Good luck, Trojans. Back to bed, Granddaddy.

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Bill Plaschke can be reached at bill.plaschke@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Plaschke, go to latimes.com/plaschke.