‘Wieners’ running for the hot-dog title

The Indianapolis 500 and the Kentucky Derby are behind us, but now comes the third of America’s great races: the Wienerschnitzel Wiener Nationals at Los Alamitos Race Course on Saturday night (see photo).

Think of it: 87 dachshunds pounding down the 50-yard track in 10 trial runs, trying to qualify for the championship race.

Or maybe not trying.

“Some care about winning, some are just out here to smell,” said race spokesman Orlando Gutierrez. “There are always a few tussles during the races between the boys trying to impress the girls. Wieners are big showoffs.”

There was the wiener that was overcome by the glamour of the event a few years ago. Gutierrez said the little fellow “was on his way to a clear-cut victory when he saw a photographer from a local paper. He stopped to pose for the camera and forgot to continue.”

More focused is the 2006 winner, Valencia’s Princess Smoochy Gucci, who will be back to defend her crown. Judging from some informal workouts, Gutierrez figures her fastest competitor may be newcomer Kamikazi Ozzie of Orange, despite the fact that Ozzie weighs a hefty 30 pounds. Gucci comes in at about 14 pounds, indicating she’s obviously careful about her figure.

Prudish display? That’s what Josh Barash wondered until he discovered that Swingers was the name of a restaurant (see photo).

Word imperfect: In Bellflower, Joe Strapac noticed what appeared to be a multiple choice question (see photo). Or perhaps a sign-maker was on autopilot.

Food for thought: Always a surprise to see yourself described on a restaurant receipt. “I have a food allergy to a seasoning,” wrote Ann Coppin of Westminster. “So I am always asking about seasonings and requesting adjustments to entrees. However, this notation was a first for us” (see accompanying).

Just when you thought there was a greeting card for every occasion

The cards, created by Three Squares Press, offer such messages as:

* “Thanks for coming to court ... “

* “Thanks for bringing the kids to see me ... all I really have to look forward to is seeing you and the kids.... “

* “Sorry about your arrest ... “

Cheathem said she founded the company after being unable “to find a suitable birthday card for a relative who was in custody.”

miscelLAny: The 2007-08 Zagat guide for “Los Angeles Nightlife” offers thumbnail sketches of various establishments with numbered ratings, as well as comments from patrons in quotation marks. Dan Tana’s, for instance, gets high numbers for appeal, decor and service, along with this warning: “ ‘If you haven’t been featured in Variety,’ get ready ‘to stand’ at the ‘crowded bar’ of this ‘legendary’ West Hollywood haunt.... ‘Sinatra’s not here, but every other celebrity is’ sitting at one of the ‘red leather booths,’ so at least you’ll be ‘ignored in style’ as George Clooney and his macho buddies dig into their Italian dishes a few feet away.”