It’s clearly a desperate cry for extra attention

YOU HEAR it all the time: “I could do that.”

I just hate it when these Hollywood actors think they’re just as good an athlete as someone like Brad Penny, Francisco Rodriguez or myself.

So I called James Denton on it.

Denton plays a plumber on “Desperate Housewives” but likes to hang around baseball teams. He tried using Oprah a few years back to get his big baseball break, eventually buying a piece of the Fullerton Flyers with the idea undoubtedly of one day playing for them.

The nerve of some people, so to put things in perspective, I told the plumber I could strike him out.

To my surprise, he disagreed.

In fact, he offered to donate $1,000 to Mattel Children’s Hospital at UCLA if I could prevent him from getting a legitimate hit. But if I didn’t, he sniffed, then I’d have to make the donation.

I know, I know, it’s not fair. He’s just an actor, and I pitched for the Giants in the Wheaton Pony League 43 years ago.

“I’ve never seen you throw,” Angels’ Manager Mike Scioscia said, “but I’ll take the other guy and will donate $1,000 to the kids if you do get him out.”

“Scot Shields is going to be my coach and show me how to pitch to the plumber,” I told Scioscia.

“Then make it $2,000,” Scioscia said, “because with help like that

I wish I could describe the look on Shields’ face when I told him that.

IT’S AGREED. On July 22, before the Flyers take on the St. George Roadrunners at Goodwin Field, Denton will step to the plate, and while I suggest the pretty boy show up wearing a helmet, if I strike him out, he will donate $1,000 to the kids and slip me Teri Hatcher’s phone number.

“First pitch, you come in on him,” said Shields after mapping out a conditioning program for Page 2. “If it hits him, oh well, we’ll just start over.”

Denton, who begins shooting again on Wisteria Lane in early July, is currently in Ottawa shooting a movie about a little girl. How hard can it be to strike out some guy who is going to appear on the Lifetime Network?

I looked it up, though, and according to the “Desperate Housewives” bio on Denton, “Acting obviously is serious work for the handsome and athletic star.” Athletic, I guess, if you’re talking about the same kind of build as Juan Pierre.

“I worked out with the Red Sox in spring training,” said Denton, and I’m sure that impressed Eva Longoria and her NBA championship fiance.

“I threw out the first pitch in a dozen different ballparks,” Denton said, and I believe so did Jeff Weaver.

Denton says he has become friendly with Jeff Kent and Nomar Garciaparra, making it three old guys who can’t hit, which got me to thinking, maybe I should check in with Garret Anderson.

“Make sure he uses a wooden bat,” Anderson said, and Anderson certainly knows how tough it is to hit with one of those.

OK, so there’s a little rust on the arm, but Shields has me on a long-toss program.

“I’ll let Dr. Yocum know you’ll be seeing him soon,” John Lackey said.

Shields is a big fan of “Desperate Housewives,” and so I told him if all went well, I’d give him Hatcher’s number. He seemed to really like that idea, but said, “Don’t be putting that in the newspaper.”

Lackey heartedly agreed, and said Shields’ wife probably wouldn’t be too happy to read something like that.

“That’s not what I’m worried about,” Shields said. “I just don’t want to upset Eva and the other women on the show.”

I guess Denton isn’t the only one who is setting himself up to strike out.

THE FLYERS have declared Aug. 11 James Denton Bobble Head Night. I’m surprised. I would think a Teri Hatcher Bobble Head Night would be a bigger draw.

SHEA HILLENBRAND whiffed again, telling The Times’ Mike DiGiovanna, “If I’m not going to play here, give me enough respect to trade me or get rid of me. I think I deserve that.”

The Angels are paying Hillenbrand $6.5 million, but that’s not enough, he said. He also wants respect.

It was a ridiculous comment coming from a guy who should be happy just to have a job, and knowing Scioscia is no fan of ridiculous comments that separate one player from the rest of the room, I asked before Wednesday’s game whether Scioscia had talked to Hillenbrand in an effort to squelch any further comments.

He said he had not, but I called him, “the Squelcher,” and he took exception.

After the game, the Angels announced Hillenbrand had been officially squelched, or in baseball terms, designated for assignment, giving the Angels 10 days to figure out how they’re going to get rid of Hillenbrand.

“If you think I would squelch anyone in that room, you would be wrong,” Scioscia said -- in an obvious effort to squelch Page 2.

CLIPPERS GENERAL Manager Elgin Baylor was on the father/daughter radio show with Roggin, and predicted Kevin Garnett would begin the 2007-08 season playing in Minnesota. I wonder who would be more upset if he’s right -- Garnett or Lakers fans? I know who would be the happiest -- Baylor.

IF THE Lakers do nothing today other than pick someone in the draft and maybe sign some guard from overseas, I just wonder whether there would be enough therapists on call to handle upset Lakers fans.

TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from James Hinderer:

“The Lakers should give Kobe the happiness he deserves by putting him on a winning team. Trade him to the Globetrotters.”

The Lakers could then follow in the footsteps of the Generals and Nationals and become the perfect opponent for the Globetrotters.

T.J. Simers can be reached at

t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.