There’s a human element to Dodgers’ parking plan

Just days to go before the Dodgers’ new “controlled zone parking” plan goes into effect, and knowing the Parking Lot Attendant has raised prices from $8 to $15 since buying the team, I was interested to see the improvements.

I arrived at 9:48 a.m. to find a line of cars waiting to enter the stadium. No improvement so far.

Once inside, it was the same asphalt, the same fading white lines, and no numbered parking spaces, although the Dodgers announced that “fans will enter and exit through the same gate and be directed to park in a specific parking lot and space.”

I wonder how anyone is supposed to know which specific space to take with nothing specific to differentiate one space from another? For your pregame entertainment: demolition derby.

I drove to the Dodgers’ administrative offices for an explanation, noticed huge pictures of Eric Gagne and Greg Maddux attached to the outside walls of the stadium, and started getting excited about this year’s team.

Can you imagine the look on the faces of Dodgers opponents when they pull into the stadium and see Gagne and Maddux looking down on them?

When I got to the administrative lot, I noticed there were numbered stalls for Frank’s Old Lady, the Tipper Gore Lady and other bigwigs. At least I could see where the money was going from the increase in parking prices.

As for the rest of the folks who work in the Dodgers’ front office, it’s still a parking free-for-all -- in one case, a snazzy black Jetta, parked illegally across a walkway. Someone in the Dodgers’ front office obviously has their own idea of what “controlled zone parking” is all about.

Inside, I asked for the Tipper Gore Lady and they sent me PR whiz Camille Johnston, who would admit later she was the one who forget to mention the 50% increase in parking this season in the team’s news release. We exchanged pleasantries, because the season hasn’t started and everyone is still getting along.

I asked about the lack of noticeable improvements, and she pointed to some newly painted posts and said, “A human being will show everyone where to park.”

I don’t believe she was referring to the white posts as human beings, but we’ve yet to see whom the team has hired for the jobs.

“It’s not like someone will be given space No. 272; you will have a human being” waving their arms, she said, while waving her arms, and it’s probably good to have a second job in mind -- especially when you’re the one who forgot to mention the $5 increase to park.

“The general public will pick a gate to enter, then will be directed to specific lots and will be required to leave from the same gate,” she said.

I worry about the human beings who will be out there trying to enforce such a thing. I worry someone might get run over.

“That would be a violation of the parking code,” she said, and I nodded, the first time I recall ever agreeing with her.

I KNOW people don’t like the parking situation, but some have 40 years of experience when it comes to beating the system. Now they will pay $7 more to park than what they were paying before the Parking Lot Attendant’s arrival, and in return will get a bunch of human beings waving at them.

“S.I. [Sports Illustrated] picks the Dodgers to be in the World Series,” announced the Tipper Gore Lady, and what that has to do with parking, I have no idea.

I worry, of course, that maybe the reporter from S.I. stopped by Dodger Stadium recently, and seeing the huge pictures of Gagne and Maddux on the side of the stadium, he concluded the Dodgers were a cinch to make the World Series.

World Series or not, Dodgers fans will put up with almost anything. More than 3 million bought tickets two years ago to support a bunch of no-names who finished 20 games under .500. Go ahead and look in the mirror and explain that one.

Last year the Dodgers set attendance records, made the playoffs and then never won again. The Dodgers have one playoff win since 1988, and just imagine the excitement if they ever double that.

As for the improvements in parking, we’ll soon see. The season-ticket holders and the media will be getting all the good spots. And I’m fine with that.

As for the general public, if you enter the Sunset Gate, you will be forced to park in Lots 1 and 2, which are approximately 17 miles from the stadium.

The Tipper Gore Lady said, “It’s a walk, but it’s not that bad.” Then she pointed to Lot 15 and said, “I’d say Lot 15 is a pretty bad walk.”

I wrote that down, and she said, “Don’t write that down,” and if Juan Pierre is that slow to react every time he takes off for second base, he’s going to read about it in the newspaper too.

The new parking plan is designed to “eliminate moseying around,” she said, which has been the practice of moving from lot to lot in search of space.

Now when Lots 1 and 2 are full, for example, that’s it. No one else will be admitted through the Sunset Gate, and I can’t wait to hear about the interaction between late-arriving Dodgers fans and the human beings assigned to tell them to go away. You can just imagine how disappointed fans are going to be when they’re told they won’t be able to watch Gagne and Maddux.

READER JAMES DREW from Colorado Springs spotted it, and sure enough, if you go to www.dodgers.comand “shop” for the opportunity to purchase a “special premium (baseball) card featuring a piece of memorabilia used by the star Lou Campanella,” it will cost you only $99.99. Don’t recall anything “Lou” did, but I could see some people taking an interest in Roy Campanella memorabilia.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.