Don’t bet the house (or the Rams)

Cardinals over Rams

* The Rams are winless with no running back and Gus Frerotte moving in to start at quarterback. Meanwhile Kurt Warner is throwing touchdown passes for a surprising team bidding for the playoffs. Hey, St. Louis! Now you know how we feel about the NFL.

Titans over Falcons

* Georgia at Tennessee, two times over: Bulldogs at Volunteers on Saturday, Falcons at Titans on Sunday. Put it this way: Georgia sure ain’t gonna sweep.

Saints over Panthers

* Pro Football Writers of America hold emergency meeting in the Superdome media dining room, where a new ordinance is passed: immediate forfeiture of press credential to any writer ever again caught picking Carolina or New Orleans to go to the Super Bowl.

Patriots over Browns

* Setting a tone that Clevelanders are going to find awfully boring awfully soon. After this, it’s Red Sox over Indians.

Lions over Redskins

* Deluded Lions think they will win 10 games this season (Jon Kitna said so), think that Kitna is on a par with Peyton Manning (third-string quarterback Dan Orvlosky said so), think that they are “an elite team”(Coach Rod Marinelli said so). Hey, in this league, delusion can be dangerous force.

Jaguars over Chiefs

* FoxSports.com actually described the home team in this one as “the suddenly red-hot Kansas City Chiefs.” Those words used together form a concept that has been outlawed by the Missouri State Overstatement Crimes Tribunal since fans in Arrowhead Stadium last were heard chanting, “Marty! Marty!”

Texans over Dolphins

* The Dolphins are on a seven-game losing streak. The last time the Dolphins won a game, the Texans were getting ripped for not drafting Reggie Bush.

Giants over Jets

* NFL conveniently revives “New Jersey Turnpike Pileup” in an attempt to take New Yorkers minds off the Mets’ and Yankees’ “Subway Series” derailment. You mean to say that a pass flung by Eli Manning is now considered a pick-me-up? Just the other day, they were booing him for passes you picked up after they had bounced.

Seahawks over Steelers

* Rematch of the 2005 season’s Super Bowl is delayed 90 minutes while Seahawks conclude background checks on all the officials assigned to work this game.

Colts over Buccaneers

* Fascinating pregame note: Both the Buccaneers and the Colts won Super Bowls after Tony Dungy left Tampa.

Ravens over 49ers

* Sooner or later, you knew they were going to hold a reunion of the 2000 NFL champion Ravens and bring back Trent Dilfer to take a bow. San Francisco fans say, “Yeah, but did it have to happen during the first quarter of a game we need to win just to stay tied with Arizona?”

Broncos over Chargers

* In deference to Travis Henry and the recent Bring Back Ricky Williams campaign in Denver, this game will be played on a surface called “DD GrassMaster.”

Packers over Bears

* During its most recent quarter of football, the Bears’ defense yielded 34 points. To the Detroit Lions. Who were quarterbacked by Jon Kitna? Would you say Brett Favre is at least as good a thrower as Kitna? All right then. And Favre will have four quarters against the Bears’ defense on Sunday. All right then. Final score: Green Bay 136, Chicago 9.

Cowboys over Bills

* Undefeated Cowboys on “Monday Night Football”! Heaven help us all. And as ESPN is showing clips of Don Meredith, Tom Landry, Roger Staubach and Bob Lilly while reminding viewers that the ’07 Cowboys are 4-0, ESPN might want to also remind viewers that Dallas’ first four opponents are a combined 3-13. And that Buffalo is 1-3.

-- Christine Daniels