Circumflex those muscles!

RANDOM thoughts, while waiting for my shipment of 100,000 Manny Ramirez wigs to arrive from Shanghai:

-- I really hope L.A. can get a handle on its paparazzi crisis. You know, before the place becomes just unlivable.

-- When exactly did our major airlines begin to operate like developing nations?

-- Next big trend in kitchen design: the recharging nook for cameras, cellphones, MP3 players . . .

-- Matt Lauer is the most underrated interviewer on TV.

-- Cohort Natalie Morales isn’t a newswoman; she’s a Vogue cover.

-- When in doubt, right click.

-- When in doubt, order another bottle.

-- There are few things as life-affirming as a really good waffle.

-- Most underrated vegetables: beer, popcorn and cocktail onions.

-- The new 100.3 is the best thing to happen to L.A. radio since “Uncle Joe” Benson, the wry voice of God.

-- “A word to the wise ain’t necessary -- it’s the stupid ones who need the advice.”

Bill Cosby

-- Most valuable tool: a decent pair of Channellock pliers.

-- Second most valuable tool: my buddy Rhymer.

-- I’ve been in Los Angeles so long, I have an acute accent over my left eye.

-- And there’s a circumflex over my -- well, that’s a little personal.

-- Health is simple: When you don’t look OK in jeans, it’s time to lose weight.

-- Go figure, we didn’t get June gloom, but we’ve had August gloom.

-- These days, I prefer to get most of my gloom at work.

-- Drill bit tip: If your drill slips while boring through tile, use a small block of wood to steady it.

-- Look-alikes: James Taylor and Robert Duvall. Seriously.

-- A half-million Dodger Dogs later, I’m still always shocked by the price of stadium food.

-- Best baseball tip of all time: “Hitting is timing. Pitching is upsetting timing.”

Warren Spahn

-- Life is timing.

-- Best pizza in L.A.: Nicky D’s, at 2764 Rowena Ave. in Silver Lake (try the Lucky Greek).

-- All computers are kind of haunted.

-- So is every old hotel.

-- Remember when having enough RAM was a really big deal?

-- Sign of the times: I have 600 photos in my camera and two in my wallet.

-- If the Cubs go to the World Series, I’m going to have to dig out my Ernie Banks underwear.

-- Oh, wait, I’m already wearing them.

-- Did the car companies really need a gas crisis to figure out that consumers would go nuts for 50-miles-per-gallon hybrids?

-- Those Einsteins at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory should give the rockets a rest and spend the next five years on alternative energy solutions.

-- So should the rest of NASA.

-- Cold soup always tastes like a mistake to me.

-- L.A.’s most underrated neighborhood: Angelino Heights, overlooking downtown.

-- Barack Obama would be more formidable running alone than with most of the VP suggestions I’m hearing.

-- Too bad Mark Twain is no longer available.

-- Or W.C. Fields.

-- Hey, Donny Deutsch, I have a big idea for you. Get a job!

-- Nobody ever wrote a letter to the editor without at least five exclamation points.

-- Best reason never to leave L.A.: the banzai burrito at Wahoo’s Fish Taco (“wet,” with the green sauce).

-- If “Young Frankenstein” and “The Producers” can go to Broadway, why not “Duck Soup”?

-- We sure could use more Marx Brothers right now.

-- By the way, whatever happened to the Marx Sisters?

-- I’m pretty sure they’re running a B&B; in Freedonia.

-- “I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”

Groucho Marx

-- Meryl Streep suddenly seems to have turned into Polly “Kiss my grits” Holliday.

-- Somehow, I’m starting to think Ed McMahon had us all duped. And maybe Brett Favre too.

-- “30 Rock” is a lot of fun, but no show has ever been better than “Cheers” in its prime.

-- OK, maybe “MASH.”

-- OK, maybe “Seinfeld.”

-- “Laughter is the closest distance between two people.”

Victor Borge

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Chris Erskine can be reached at chris.erskine@latimes .com. For more columns, see latimes.com/erskine.