‘Homo Erectus’ a flop for the ages

One doesn’t exactly go to “National Lampoon’s Homo Erectus” expecting Woody Allen. Unfortunately, that’s what writer-director-star Adam Rifkin thought he’d achieved.

Rifkin (“Underdog”) has admitted he was aiming for “the essence of early Woody Allen comedies” in this exceedingly lame caveman outing apparently set before the discovery of humor. In this laugh-free exercise, an Early Nerd tries to push the human race forward and get the girl (Ali Larter of “Heroes”) who is way too hot for him. But “Erectus” is not the progeny of such classics as “Love and Death” and “Sleeper”; it’s an utter devolution. Rifkin lifts gags, plot lines, personas -- and even spectacles -- but neglects to include a shred of wit or comic timing.

The obligatory nudity manages to be both gratuitous and prudish, not daring to linger. The likes of David Carradine and Tom Arnold pick up paychecks as Rifkin reveals the spark he showed in the surveillance-camera opus “Look” to be a flash in the pan.

To be fair, there is an excellent $20 woolly mammoth costume and a Gary Busey sighting; he, at least, amuses on his way to the bank. And thanks to natural selection, without the script, direction or comedic chops to survive, “Homo Erectus” will be extinct from theaters soon enough.

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“National Lampoon’s Homo Erectus.” MPAA rating: R, for crude and sexual content, nudity and language. Running time: 1 hour, 27 minutes. In limited release.