WeLibs are worked up over Clinton and Obama

When Weeping Liberals gather to drink cheap wine and commiserate, there are often tears shed over the woeful state of the nation, the environment, the war and the devolving human condition. We don’t always take action to improve anything, but when it comes to wailing about these problems, there’s nothing like the high, melancholy howl of a Weeping Liberal. But that’s changing.

I’ve noticed recently that the sobbing has given way to moans of indecision over who would be the best candidate to triumph over John McCain, or, as we know him, John McBush, when Nov. 4 rolls around: Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama? Not since the two singing Davids -- Cook and Archuleta -- faced off on “American Idol” have we been forced to choose between two such compelling individuals.

As the heat of the presidential campaign boiled all other candidates into a goulash of memories, we gasped at the historic potential of the two remaining front-runners in the Democratic Party because whoever is selected as the nominee could very well end up as president of the United States -- the first woman ever or the first African American ever.

This has put a lot of us WeLibs, as we call ourselves, into a quandary. I prefer Obama, not because he’s black, thin, tall and wears clothes well, but because he’s smart, articulate and advocates use of the brain before the fist in the arena of international politics.

But, hey, that’s just me. I realize that a good number of you with mother/teacher complexes like the idea of Billary’s -- I mean Hillary’s -- strident voice barking orders to the nation to do as it’s told or face being grounded, losing its allowance or having its cellphones taken away.

To gauge the attitudes of other WeLibs within range, I employed the magic of e-mail and asked which candidate they would prefer to represent them in the presidential election. This is nothing like a professional survey with a margin of error of plus or minus 3%. I’m not even sure how many e-mails I sent out.

But I do know that there were 95 responses, of which 59 want Obama, 17 want Hillary, one wants McCain, six will take any Democrat, five haven’t decided, three want none of the above, three don’t care and one wants Mickey Mouse. That’s probably indicative of something -- I’m not sure what -- but is not likely to affect anyone’s fortunes one way or the other.

What intrigues me is not so much the numbers but the degree to which some WeLibs are committed to a candidate, or more notably, committed against a candidate. For instance, several wrote “Hillary scares me” and “Hillary makes me nervous,” therefore they would vote for Obama. In a pricklier mood, another calls her “tenacious, scamming, shameless, righteous, oppressive and crafty,” and therefore, one presumes, would vote for anyone but her.

On the other hand, Obama “sounds too good to be true,” “makes me uneasy,” “can’t win,” “is too young” and was heard to “call a woman sweetie.”

That was mentioned twice in e-mails, once by a woman who disliked being a sweetie and the other by a man who loved being a sweetie. Go figure.

The reference was to the term Obama used in addressing a female television reporter, specifically, “Hold on one second, sweetie.” The reporter wasn’t offended, but it became a kind of Sweetiegate issue among the type of feminists who are always looking to confront, mano a mano.

Then there was the e-mailer who wrote, “Obama makes me vomit” and followed that up with an apology for the harsh tone of his missive. Obama, as it turns out, doesn’t make him vomit, just a little queasy.

More abrasive still was the approach of the man who wasn’t going to vote at all because he was tired of trying to decide “which swine I loathe the least.” A string of uncomplimentary adjectives followed, confirming his attitude.

Others wrote:

“Obama is my choice if only because he can pronounce words with more than three syllables and doesn’t wear a flag pin.”

“They are all posturing, pandering, egomaniacal liars.”

“Obama, mama.”

“Hillary. Women are tougher than us guys. I sure as hell wouldn’t want to give birth.”

“After having voted for the current chief executive and watching his conduct in office, I may never vote again.”

“My wife and I agreed that if Hillary gets the nomination, we will hold our nose and vote for McBush.”

“I don’t care whether the president is Clinton or Obama. I care that it is not a Republican.”

“No more dynasties! No more Bushes or Clintons!”

“Hillary. But leave Bill home.”

“Let God decide.”

“It’s time for a woman.”

Actually, it’s almost time for dinner, which my woman, the sweetie, is preparing at this very moment. I have to hurry or I’ll miss the cocktail hour. For a final e-mail, this has to be it:

“O’Bama. It’ll be great to have a president of Irish ancestry again.”

Ah, yes.

--

almtz13@aol.com