Relax. Enjoy. Really.

CARVED into the side of a canyon, the Hollywood Bowl has the majestic permanence of a geological formation. Yet as the Bowl officially starts its 87th season Friday, musical change is afoot.

The opening night gala features a new principal guest conductor of the Hollywood Bowl Orchestra, Thomas Wilkins, leading a lineup that includes flutist Sir James Galway, singer Liza Minnelli and bluesman B.B. King. In July, Bramwell Tovey begins his tenure as the L.A. Philharmonic’s new principal guest conductor at the Bowl, succeeding Leonard Slatkin. The season will also see the less-than-predictable Stone Temple Pilots, Gnarls Barkley, Radiohead, Nick Cave and Cat Power, plus a concert version of “Les Miserables,” featuring Brian Stokes Mitchell and Rosie O’Donnell in August.

But in exchange for such pleasures, the capricious Bowl gods often demand pain. During any given pilgrimage, you might encounter some unholy combination of snarled traffic, stacked parking, overloaded buses, insane lines and general crowd chaos.

How to navigate this mess? We’re here to help.

WHERE TO SIT

Out of the 17,376 places to sit, every single one of them is a pretty good place to park your buns -- even if it’s in front of the guy who spills Cabernet all over your back. Still, many subjective preferences go into selecting a seat. And, like which car you drive or how you shop in the grocery store, they reveal something about your personality.

Are you a symphony aficionado who likes to hear every hair of the bow hit the violin? Try up front in the garden or terrace box sections -- even if the din of picnickers there can be distracting. Those seats sell out quickly to subscribers, so the next best thing is to grab front-row seats in sections F3-K3. Extra points go to section G2, next to the perennial sweet spot known as the soundboard.

Do you like to be close but don’t need the stuffy seating vibe? Go for sections D and E, the bench sections on either side of the terrace box seats.

Bringing a group of friends who want to eat, drink and be merry, without being silenced librarian style? In the bench sections, the energy is more laid-back, especially during classical and jazz shows.

Finally, for generalists who just want the experience, and who don’t mind seeing it all through binoculars or on screen, head to the very back section, the V2-X2 highlands. Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it, especially when these seats are $1 for many classical and jazz shows.

HOW TO GET THERE

As any battle-scarred veteran can tell you, driving to the Bowl is an ordeal akin to salmon spawning. On-site parking is very limited; all four general parking lots are stack-parked; and there is no early exit. (Sounds ominous, doesn’t it?) Even if you’re a fat cat who can shell out $2,000 to $5,500 to join the Phil’s Donor Valet program and get a designated, non-stacked spot, you’ll still have to fight your way home along with the masses.

Fortunately, there are alternatives, and cheap ones at that. With the Bowl’s Park & Ride buses, L.A. Phil-goers can park their car at free lots in 14 locations throughout L.A. County, such as Chatsworth, Torrance and Rowland Heights. (For other events, there are six lots.) You can pay as you enter the bus, but those already holding tickets get preference, so it’s better to buy a $5 round-trip ticket in advance.

Closer to the Bowl, you can leave your car at one of four lots and hop on a BowlBus Shuttle for $3 round-trip, no reservations required. Parking is free at all shuttle lots, except at Hollywood & Highland. Speaking of which, some folks have been known to park at the mall, buy a cookie to get parking validation and walk.

The Metro Red Line is another excellent option. BowlBus Shuttles depart from the Hollywood/Highland Orange Court near the station every 15 minutes, starting about 2 1/2 hours before performances begin, until show time. You can transfer for free with a round-trip Metro ticket or Metro Pass, or you could simply walk -- it’s less than a mile from the corner of Hollywood/Highland to the front gates of the Bowl, albeit mostly uphill. Hey, it builds character.

You could also ride a bike or motorcycle -- though with the latter, you’ll have to pay the same parking as for a car, $14. Or rent a private parking space from a nearby homeowner -- Craigslist is rife with such postings.

FOOD AND DRINK

At first glance, Bowl-goers might appear to feast effortlessly. Don’t be fooled. Nourishment for your eyes and ears may come with the price of admission, but sustenance for your belly is something best foraged for in advance.

Food for sale at the venue is the sole province of Joachim Splichal’s Patina Restaurant Group, offering sit-down dinner service at the Rooftop Grill, which has undergone a major refurbishment with a new color scheme and patio design; two marketplaces stocked with gourmet picnic items; walk-up counter service at Staccato; a number of low-key refreshment stands; catered box-seat meals; and a luxurious stage-side restaurant called Patina at the Pool.

So what’s the ideal Bowl-purchased meal? For Splichal, it’s low-key: “First, I would pick up some assorted cheeses, cold cuts, roasted artichokes and a bottle of sauvignon blanc or rose from Provence at the Marketplace. Then I would get some sushi from Marketplace West,” he says.

Though you can breeze into these marketplaces, Rooftop reservations should be made well in advance, and orders for box seat meals must be placed online by 4 p.m. the day before a concert. Be prepared for lines at Staccato, which can draw up to 1,000 customers an hour.

Preparing a memorable picnic requires more patience but can be significantly cheaper. You just have to keep a few key food and alcohol rules in mind.

During concerts presented by the L.A. Phil, you can bring anything (including bottles of wine) as long as you don’t bring them in a cooler larger than 15 inches wide by 15 inches high by 20 inches long. During leased events, like rock concerts, the rules can vary from a strict “no outside food and beverage allowed” to a more lenient “no glass” policy. Arvind Manocha, chief operating officer of the Philharmonic Assn., says that the box office will dictate the policy when you buy your ticket, and that it should, likewise, be printed on the ticket. So, read the fine print, lest you be forced to chug-a-lug that $90 bottle of wine.

TAKING THE KIDS

Crafting a kid-friendly experience requires patience and planning. “It’s not easy,” says Sabrina Weissler, host of LAWithKids.com’s “With the Kids” podcast. “But you can tailor anything to kids with the right prep work.”

First and foremost, family-friendly food is pivotal. On-site stands specialize in adult fare, though the rotisserie chicken and mashed potatoes plate is popular with families ordering box service. Kid staples like burgers and hot dogs are at Staccato, between the first and second promenades. Weissler suggests bringing “lots of different options in zip-lock containers to keep kids entertained,” transforming a picnic into an adventure.

Choosing a kid-appropriate performance is the icing on the cake. “Pick something lively,” suggests JoBea Holt, author of “Baby’s Day Out in Southern California.” “If you’re going to a rock show, introduce them to the music beforehand. If they know the words it’s more exciting.” This season’s kid-friendly options include the July 4th Fireworks Spectacular and the Warner Bros.’ Bugs Bunny on Broadway show. Additionally, Kidzapalooza, a creative collaboration between Perry Farrell and the L.A. Philharmonic Assn., makes its Bowl debut Sept. 28, featuring performances from Ziggy Marley, Wilco’s Jeff Tweedy and Gary Oldman.

For younger kids, Bowl director of educational initiatives Gretchen Nielsen recommends the Summer Sounds program, an interactive music series focusing on Peru, Zimbabwe and the Louisiana Bayou this year. “It’s a great way to warm kids up to the idea of an evening concert,” she says, especially if they’re younger than 3.

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This article was written by Jason Gelt, Jessica Gelt, Pauline O’Connor, David Ng and Margaret Wappler.

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HERE: 2301 N. Highland Ave., L.A.

INFO: (323) 436-2827, hollywoodbowl.com

ON THE WEB: For an interview with L.A. Phil senior program manager Johanna Rees, go to latimes.com/rees.

For a photo gallery and more on the Hollywood Bowl, go to latimes.com/bowl.