She regrets euthanizing pet

Dear Amy: I euthanized my beloved cat.

Aside from the grief of losing my pet of 15 years, I feel tremendous guilt.

She was 17 or 18 years old and was recently diagnosed with an illness affecting her ability to breathe.

Ever since she died, I have been reliving that conversation and wishing I had not made the call.

The vet said the illness would cause a horrible natural death, but I feel like I ended her life prematurely, whether by a few weeks or a month.

How do I forgive myself?

Full of Regret

Dear Regret: Those of us who love our companion animals have to love them all the way -- and that means we have to be responsible stewards all the way to the end of their lives.

Trying to extend the life of a pet with painful or invasive medical treatment can be an act of human selfishness.

Any vet will tell you that when it comes time to euthanize an animal, many people delay beyond the point of mercy, revealing their inability to let go.

Many animal lovers face guilt along with their loss; talking with others will help you to face the inevitability of your choice.

Your vet’s office should help you connect with a bereavement group.

Honor your memory of this important animal and, when you are ready, visit your local shelter to offer another cat the joy of a nice, long and loving life with you.

::

Dear Amy: I have been married for 25 years. We had children right away and life got busy.

I now realize I have long been the focus of my husband’s emotional abuse.

Now that the kids are older, I find I am more and more unhappy, so I started counseling about six months ago.

I told him I was going to counseling because I wasn’t happy. He didn’t ask why I wasn’t happy -- or any other questions.

After six months of going to counseling is it normal that he has never asked me anything about it?

Still Trying

Dear Trying: This is going to sound like a circular cop-out, but this is an ideal question to bring up with your therapist.

Your husband might not ask about your therapy because he doesn’t want to hear about his role in your emotional life. This is cowardly, but not surprising. Maybe he doesn’t ask because he assumes this process to be private.

Therapy is for you; it should not be a tool to manipulate your husband into connecting with you.

Your therapist could help you find the words to say and a strategy for how to handle your disappointment.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson by e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.