Losing your job needn’t be the end of the world
Dear Readers: A few weeks back, “Concerned Wife” wrote a very thoughtful letter to me about her husband’s impending job loss. In addition to professional challenges he would be facing, he also felt that he was letting his family down.
Concerned asked how she could best help her husband through this rough time.
A flood of mail came in. I found them inspirational as well as helpful, and am sampling them below.
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Dear Amy: Even though I am over 60 and am lucky to have just found a job, I have gone through four job changes in the past six years.
My wife was very supportive.
My advice for the husband: When you lost your job, you actually “got” two jobs: No. 1 is finding a new job, and No. 2 is using your “spare” time to contribute in non-monetary ways.
Ask your wife and kids to put requests on a “honey-do” list, and do them.
Do house cleaning, pick up the dry cleaning, do the laundry and anything else you can think of to pitch in.
Have dinner prepared, so when your wife comes home from work on Friday all she has to do is take off her shoes, have a glass of wine and anticipate a wonderful errand- and housework-free weekend with her hubby and kids.
Been There,
Done That
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Dear Amy: I liken these job losses to a difficult divorce.
The “marriage” with the company may not have been a great one but, as we know, that doesn’t mean people want to be divorced.
This loss causes a person to question his judgment, priorities, ideals and loyalty to his very core -- this while feeling betrayed and being treated by the culture as if he is a failure.
I dearly wish I had not committed so much time, seriousness, loyalty or energy to my corporate career. I wish I had spent more time on things that mattered to me: faith, family and heart.
Our family went to a single paycheck and a better life.
Janet
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Dear Amy: Please pass along my message to this couple to stay optimistic.
Over my 38-year career, I have had to change jobs six times due to an unwarranted termination, a company bankruptcy, three acquisitions and one layoff.
I have been able to bounce back every time, often into better jobs than I had before.
I realize things may be tougher than ever today. I’d like to offer this man some brotherly support.
David
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Dear Amy: Having experienced the layoff process from both sides of the table, I believe the most important thing to realize is your career will not be the same whether or not you leave the company.
Whatever happens, this wife should help her husband mourn the loss like the death of a close friend.
He’ll be grieving for a loss of identity. We all identify with what we do.
At this time it’s critical for us to know who we are.
Family and friends will definitely help this husband remind himself it’s who he is, not what he does, that is most important.
RIF Veteran
Dear Writers: Job loss is extremely stressful, but sometimes such a loss can lead to unexpected benefits. Thank you all.
Send questions to Amy Dickinson by e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
