Without "Empire," television hasn't been the same. Thankfully, Cookie returned Wednesday night and Empire Entertainment still has plenty of drama to go around.
In the first episode of season two, there was a little too much drama. From an impassioned monologue about mass incarceration to Jamal’s resurrected relationship with Michael to the cameos of “Real Housewives of Atlanta” bestie and singer Miss Lawrence, DeRay Davis, Al Sharpton and Don Lemon, my body was not ready.
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But since there was so much going on, my recap this week reflects that. Below are my play-by-play reactions (in GIFs) as “The Devils Are Here” episode unfolded:
Spoilers ahead.
When the season one recap played ahead of the episode
At sight of a #FreeLucious rally and concert
When the first line uttered of the season spoke to mass incarceration
Seeing Taraji’s full first outfit, complete with feathers
When Taraji, in a gorilla costume, descended from the sky and launched into a monologue on black people being treated like animals
At Al Sharpton’s cameo
At Andre Leon Talley (my father, in my head) and his shade toward Cookie’s last season Gucci outfit
When Porsha threw shade at Don Lemon’s coverage on CNN of the Ferguson protests, and Cookie countered with more shade about the anchor’s N-word segment
Listening to the socially conscious song 'Born to Lose,' which features Sean Cross, Swizz Beatz, Jussie Smollett and Yazz
Looking at Jamal with a beard
Seeing Lucious has a live feed of the concert in jail
At DeRay Davis as Cookie’s incarcerated cousin
At Marisa Tomei, as Mimi Whiteman, the lesbian billionaire about to take over Empire, flirting with Cookie
When there were closeups of the ripped bodies of Lucious’ jailed associates
Chris Rock as Lucious’ former drug-pushing boss Frank Gathers
When the episode gets really meta and Cookie shades rapper 50 Cent
When Becky has fully stepped into her VP role and shuts down both Jamal and Hakeem
At Andre waking up in a cold sweat, shirtless, with a beard of his own
And Rhonda starts to rub Andre’s sweat-soaked chest
But then Chris Rock pops back on my screen
When the Lyon clan (minus Jamal) throws Mimi a lesbian party
And Cookie debuts a new ponytail and bangs combo
But Mimi gets flirty with Anika, and Hakeem gets jealous
Meanwhile, Michael, Jamal’s initial boyfriend, is back in the picture
Then Jamal and Michael kiss
But Jamal wasn’t satisfied and tugs at the back of Michael’s head to grab another, more titillating peck
Discovering that Jamal’s black boo from last season with the Australian accent is out of the picture
When Anika starts to twerk at Mimi’s request
When Lucious tries to rebut his prosecutor (Tyra Ferrell)
Realizing they don’t know Vernon is dead
When Lucious calls the prosecutor 'Miss Clarence Thomas'
When I see Miss Lawrence perched on the piano singing a song by legendary performer Sylvester
His final note had me like:
But then he threw shade at gospel artist Donnie McClurkin and Becky joined in
When Mimi jumped ships and was poached from the takeover plan, by Lucious himself
And Cookie tells Anika, 'You can’t even dyke right' after she slept with Mimi to seal the deal
Then Lucious Skyped into the board meeting
As Frank is eating, with blood spattered on his bib and gospel music playing in the background, then realizing that earlier in the epsiode Cookie compared him to Hannibal Lecter
When Cookie opens the gift on her doorstep from Frank and it’s a dead man’s head
When Lucious took up for Cookie in his one-on-one with Frank, even after learning she snitched Frank out to the feds
When Frank thought he was going to kill Lucious, but Lucious had already paid off Frank’s jailhouse body guards
Then an angry Jamal kicked the whole family out of 'his father’s house'
But Cookie slaps Jamal
And then a second time
But he still shut the door in her face
And then he stormed off screen crying
Realizing it was over
MORE:
The most exciting person on TV – Taraji P. Henson as Cookie – returns to claim her 'Empire'
Jimmy Fallon spoofs 'Empire' on 'The Tonight Show' with 'Jimpire'
'Empire's' Gabourey Sidibe talks up Becky, 'the smartest person in the room'
Get your life! Follow me on Twitter: @TrevellAnderson.
