Jon Stewart begs God to intervene in the Gaza Strip

As a rule, Jon Stewart tends to leave the God talk to his Comedy Central colleague Stephen Colbert. But on Monday, spurred by the latest eruption of violence in the ongoing Israeli-Palestinian conflict, the host decided it was time for a heart-to-heart with the man upstairs.

“I’m really not sure what to say,” he began timidly. “Thank you for the moon, and uh, thank you for certain kinds of fish, especially the white flaky kind.”

After a lengthy apology for his adolescent fixations with Ann-Margret and Olivia Newton-John, Stewart eventually got to the serious stuff, urging God to pay some attention to the crisis.

“Look, I’m not asking you to solve the problem, although obviously you could, easily. And it seems a little strange that you haven’t,” he mused. “But I know, like Bono says, mysterious ways.”

Stewart wondered why God didn’t seem more invested in the peaceful resolution of the ancient conflict, given that it’s happening on what both sides claim is sacred ground. “This is your house, whichever version of you is the correct one,” he said, joking that the ongoing attacks were wreaking havoc on the almighty’s breakfast nook and TV room.


“Seriously, man, fix this. What have you been doing? Why won’t you help us?” he wondered. Then came his answer: He must have been helping Notre Dame reach its first title game since 1988.

“OK, that was worth it. I’ll give you that,” Stewart conceded, urging God to stop by the Middle East once the bowl games were over. “They could use a little pick-me-up.”


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