The Joke Is Always on Others

Only a fool would pick the Boston Celtics to beat the Lakers in anything but a bad-body contest, according to Skip Bayless of the Dallas Times Herald.

For example, he writes:

“Celtics? Make ‘em the Boston Cream Pies. This is the worst-looking collection of athletes outside the Seniors golf tour.

“Larry Bird and Dennis Johnson must dive for as many jelly doughnuts as loose balls. No joke, these two have put on 20 or so pounds the last couple of seasons. The Celt highlight film might be called ‘Porky’s III.’

“Kevin McHale, at 6-10, is a funhouse mirror of floppy black bangs, 8-footer’s arms, Popeye’s chest and Bambi’s legs. He’d make a great scarecrow. Robert Parish looks like he has arthritis and is about to cry. And Danny Ainge is the round-eyed sophomore among seniors. You keep waiting for Bird to pat him on the head and tell him to relax.

“After all, Bird coaches this team. All K.C. Jones appears to do is take up two seats on the bench.”

“Only a fool would predict this thing would last any longer than five,” Bayless continues. “Prediction: It will go seven. And the Cream Pies will win. Again.”

Looking back at old issues of The Times sports section, this item made Page 1 on May 28, 1970, regarding Bobby Bragan, a former major league manager and then president of the Texas League.

“Arriving early to make a presentation to 9- and 10-year-old boys, Bragan organized an infield practice and passed out a few tips.

“A coach of one of the teams arrived and demanded, ‘Who’s that out there with my boys?’

“That’s Bobby Bragan,” someone said.

“Well, I don’t know who he is,” the coach grumbled. “But one thing’s for sure--he doesn’t know a thing about baseball. I’ve been working with these boys a month, and he’s tearing down everything we have accomplished!”

Add Anniversary: Five years ago Monday, West German teen-ager Dietmar Mogenburg tied the world high jump record at 7-8 1/2, just one day after Poland’s Jacek Wszola set it.

It was the first time since 1912 that the record in the event was not held by someone from either the United States or the Soviet Union. Wszola, having won the gold medal in the 1976 Olympics and the silver in ‘80, had already made his mark, while Mogenburg was just getting started.

He won the gold medal last summer in the Coliseum, also at 7-8 1/2.

Quotebook

John Galbreath, 87-year-old owner of Proud Truth, after being bumped by a younger man who then apologized in the victory circle at Belmont Park: “I don’t mind being knocked down after this race. Before this race, I might have punched you in the nose.”