Crenshaw’s Cooking Rough on Stomach

The TV commentators kept telling us how tired David Graham looked, but maybe it was just indigestion.

Graham, third-round co-leader in the British Open, is sharing a house with Ben Crenshaw, and on Friday night it was Crenshaw’s turn to cook dinner.

As far as Graham is concerned, it also will be the last time.

“His spaghetti looks like a deflated football,” Graham said. “It was overcooked spaghetti and undercooked bacon, so you can say we had a problem with dinner.

“Tonight, it’s going to be fish and chips, takeout Chinese or eggs on toast. But as far as Crenshaw is concerned, I’m going to lock the door to the kitchen.

“He can’t even boil water.”

Add Open: Lee Trevino, who ended the day eight shots back, was openly rooting for a storm after finishing early with a 68.

“Blow, baby, blow,” he said when he heard rain thumping on the press tent.

Told there was a hurricane moving in, he said: “I want to see it blow and rain. God’s a Mexican, you know . . . I think.”

Trivia Time: Name two men who have worn No. 76 for the Dodgers this year. (Answer below.)

Ask two old friends how they first met, and you might get two different answers. Not so with Oakland A’s pitchers Tim Birtsas and Steve Ontiveros, who combined to beat the Toronto Blue Jays, 5-1, Saturday.

First of all, it’s an upset that they became friends, since Birtsas went to Michigan State and Ontiveros to Michigan. Secondly, their first meeting was hardly conventional.

“It was weird,” Ontiveros said. “We were playing at Michigan State, where they have only one bathroom and there are no barriers between the seats.

“He was pitching and I was going to be pitching, and I guess we were both kind of nervous. As we sat there, we started talking. After that we became friends, and I followed him throughout his minor league career.”

How do you put together a championship baseball team?

Says Sparky Anderson: “Just give me 25 guys on the last year of their contracts, and I’ll win a pennant every year.”

When Jack Lambert announced his retirement at a press conference, Pittsburgh Steelers President Dan Rooney recalled the 1980 Super Bowl, when his team was leading the Rams by only 24-19 with five minutes to play.

Rooney was sitting with his father, Board Chairman Art Rooney Sr., and both were worried as they watched Vince Ferragamo march the Rams down the field. The drive ended when Lambert picked off a Ferragamo pass at his own 14-yard line.

Rooney: “I said to my dad, ‘Come on, let’s go down to the field and pick up our trophy,’ and Dad said, ‘The game’s not over yet.’ I said, ‘Yes, it is.’ ”

Dan was right. The Steelers won, 31-19.

Sure, Jack Nicklaus will retire some day, but as he told reporters at the British Open, there’s always the same problem.

“What are you going to retire to?” he said.

Peter King of Newsday reported this exchange between quarterback Phil Simms and punter Dave Jennings after Simms signed with the New York Giants:

Jennings: “Hey, Phil, I just signed a bigger contract.”

Simms: “How much?”

Jennings. “A million. A dollar a year over a million years.”

Simms: “Overpaid.”

Trivia Answer: Jim Valvano and Enos Cabell. Valvano, basketball coach at North Carolina State, wore the number as an honorary batboy for the Dodgers in St. Louis. Cabell wore it in his first game for the Dodgers after being obtained from Houston. He then switched to No. 47 and now wears No. 23.

Quotebook

ABC golf analyst Dave Marr, revealing that Sam Snead earned only $500 for winning the British Open in 1946: “Of course, he’s still got it.”