Marcos, Washington Leaders Done to a Turn : Gridiron ‘Roasts’ All Sides Evenly

Guess who might sing this:

“Oh, we shipped out a barrel of money,

“Billions for me and my honey--

“So we’ll travel along,

“Kicking the gong

“Side by side.”

If the guess was Ferdinand E. Marcos, it was half right. The man who sang those words, set to the old tune of “Side by Side,” had the role of the ousted Philippines leader in a skit Saturday night at the Gridiron Club’s annual roast of the famous and infamous. The song went on:

“Don’t know what’s planned for tomorrow,

“So sue us and learn to your sorrow

“That we don’t give a hoot,

“We’ve hidden the loot

“Far and wide.”

President and Mrs. Reagan came in formal dress, as did Vice President and Mrs. George Bush and Chief Justice and Mrs. Warren E. Burger. Also among the guests were three associate justices, seven Cabinet officers and 18 White House officials.

The affair kicked off the second century of the Gridiron Club, composed of 60 members of the Washington press corps who took part in the skits at the white-tie dinner for more than 600 guests. By tradition, the roast is off the record. Half a dozen professionals sing most of the solos.

In the show’s opener, club members sang to the tune of “Matilda” the words:

“Gramm-Rudman!

“Gramm-Rudman!

“Gramm-Rudman, we’re outta money

“And we’re gonna terminate ‘ya!”

One of the roasted was Rep. Dan Rostenkowski (D-Ill.), who, it was said, “runs the oldest established, permanent floating con game on the Hill” as chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee.

One member portrayed Chrysler Chairman Lee A. Iacocca and sang, to the tune of “The Carioca”:

“Have you considered Iacocca?

“I wrote a book and that’s no joke-a,

“I sold more copies than the Bible,

“And I’m liable to sell more.

“I hear that Donald Regan’s smilin’;

“He kicked me off of Ellis Island,

“They’ll use my nickels for a hotel,

“Call it Hodel’s Golden Door.

“They’re turning on Lee Iacocca.

“I stand for the tired and the poor,

“You’re yearning for Lee Iacocca, “‘cause Toyota’s sending refuse

“To our teeming shore.”

A singer playing Paul G. Kirk Jr., chairman of the Democratic Party, moaned, to the tune of “Oh, What a Beautiful Morning”:

“Oh, what a beautiful party;

“Though we can’t win, we have fun.

“I have a wonderful feeling,

“We’re perfect when all’s said and done.”

As always, the Democrats were parodied in one segment and the Republicans in another. Massachusetts Sen. Edward M. Kennedy--the real one--made a speech on behalf of the Democrats, and White House Chief of Staff Donald T. Regan responded for the Republicans.

The show lampooned both of them. “Kennedy” sang:

“My dears, you may take it from me,

“That of all the afflictions accurst,

“With which you are saddled

“And hampered and addled,

“The Kennedy name is the worst.”

“If you wish your career to advance,

“Your surname you’ve got to enhance.

“You must stir it and stump it,

“And blow your own trumpet,

“Or--trust me--you haven’t a chance!”

And “Regan” warbled, to the tune of “My Way”:

“I learned from the Marines and from a giant corporation,

“Just how to take command and how to guide a mighty nation.

“I took the President’s hand and modestly--

“--In a shy way--I said to Ron:

“‘Just follow Don,’

“And do it my way.”

To the tune of “Papa Loves Mambo,” the chorus sang:

“Ronald loves Rambo,

“Nancy loves Rambo,

“Got the right stuff again,

“We’re playing tough again,

“Taking no guff again--Wow!

“Kiddies love Rambo,

“Lucky loves Rambo,

“We’ll never crawl again,

“Hear trumpets call again,

“We’re standing tall again--Wow!”

And, to show that they can take it as well as dish it out, the newspaper corps had a phony White House spokesman Larry Speakes recalling the Reagan-Mikhail S. Gorbachev summit with this, sung to the music of “And the Angels Sing”:

“They meet--and the media sing,

“The media sing the sweetest news I ever told.

“They speak--and I pull the string,

“The media buy the biggest hype I ever sold!”