Mothers Invite Singles to Eat, Drink and, Perhaps, Be Married

In this era when swains seek mates in singles’ bars, in health clubs or at the beach, four Thousand Oaks mothers recently injected a creative twist to the old-fashioned art of matchmaking that even the yenta in “Fiddler on the Roof” might envy.

“Spring is in the Air,” proclaimed the banner flying over Nora Howells’ patio one recent Sunday. “Romance is in the Air” might have been a more honest exclamation. The matchmakers had gathered 60 local single men and women, ages 19 to 30, for a Champagne brunch. Asked if their intention was marriage, the matchmakers smiled benignly.

“So many of my friends have children in that age group. Such neat kids. We hear about them all the time,” explained Marion Schillo, instigator of the event. “So many friends have daughters and sons who sound so nice. We thought it would be fun to get them together.”

Schillo’s description of “so nice” carries an inflection only a mother can give to the words designating a potential son- or daughter-in-law.

100 Letters

Confident that other local mothers also desired introductions to worthy marriage candidates for their offspring, Pat Ferrell and Sharon Pellino addressed 100 letters to friends. They requested donations of fruit or baked goods, plus $5, to put on the affair.

“Are you tired of the four basic food groups--fast, frozen, junk, and leftover?” the invitations asked, quoting a Doonesbury cartoon.

If the recipient questioned why four women of a different generation, whom he may never have met, invited him to a Sunday brunch, the invitation provided the answer: “Because you’re special.”

The response was enthusiastic. The mothers invested $160 in groceries, sending their experts--Pat Kinville, mother of four, and Ginny Broms, mother of nine--to tackle the shopping.

Come the appointed day, two of the matchmakers’ husbands, Jim Kinville and Dave Lavendier, scrambled eggs and flipped pancakes. Then the eligibles arrived.

“Maria, how are you? I haven’t seen you for ages,” squealed one guest as she stepped onto the patio.

“I know you, but where from?” Katie Hoegeman asked, pointing her finger at a familiar face. “Soccer, right? Yeah, now I’m writing computer programs. I have a degree in computer science. It’s interesting, but it’s a lot of work. I work in Westlake.”

Hoegeman, who moved to Woodland Hills after graduation from the University of California, Santa Barbara, said she finds it difficult to keep in touch with old friends.

“It’s hard to run into people in Thousand Oaks,” she said.

Lori and Lisa Smith, who moved from New Jersey to the Conejo Valley in July, learned about the party from an acquaintance of their mother’s in the Newcomers Club.

Lisa, who was graduated from Pepperdine University, commutes 30 miles each way to work at an engineering company in Westwood.

“It’s difficult to meet people once you get out of school,” she said. “The people at work are older or live closer to work.”

Lori attends California Lutheran University. Although it is easy to meet people who live in her dormitory, she said, it’s more difficult to meet residents of Thousand Oaks.

John Savage, a graduate of Loyola Marymount University and a manager for May Co., drove to the brunch from Playa del Rey.

“It’s an opportunity to see people. One girl I’ve known since I was 6 years old,” he said with a sigh. “Denise Ferro. She’s beautiful.”

“The mother in me can’t stand this,” said Broms as she stepped from the kitchen onto the patio to see if any of Cupid’s arrows had left the quiver yet.

‘Want to Do Something’

“If I see someone alone, I want to do something,” she said, taking one last glance before rubbing her hands on her apron and heading back to the stove.

“Mix around. When you go back for more food, go back to a different table,” Howells advised the guests.

On the surface, the gathering appeared rather provincial. Most guests had attended either Thousand Oaks or Newbury Park High School, then Moorpark College, California State University, Northridge, or Loyola Marymount University.

But conversations were spiced with anecdotes of travel. Steve Lavendier reported on a ski trip to Switzerland. Savage, who is interested in international business, lived in Germany for seven months. Beverly Durand also stayed in Germany one summer, hoping to further a career as a professional ballet dancer. Frans Wennick, a Dutch citizen, came to the Conejo Valley from Zimbabwe.

Other appearances were also deceiving. Michelle MacAller and Chris Baker seemed to be a couple. Indeed, McAller acknowledged, they soon will be members of the same family. However, Baker is marrying MacAller’s younger sister.

McAller is pursuing a master’s degree, not a husband, she said.

Elena McGinn and Bill Keenan are a bit closer to the altar.

“There are faint wedding bells,” said McGinn. “Very faint.”

Marriage is one of the things that complicates social lives in this age group, several guests pointed out. They agree with the song that “marriage is breaking up that old gang of mine.”

“There is no problem making new friends. It’s hard to see old friends. A lot of my friends are married,” said Wennick. “A lot have moved away. It’s hard to keep in touch.”

Work also interferes.

Matt Wehn, who has lived in Thousand Oaks 21 years, said he has spent so much energy in starting his own landscaping business that he has little left over to meet people his own age.

“It’s pretty easy getting a conversation going, but there isn’t much time. I am trying to get things settled--money, a job.”

Mixed Reviews

Later, the brunch received mixed reviews from mothers and their offspring.

One young man who asked to remain anonymous was critical at first.

“Some of the mothers seemed real desperate,” he said. “Some of the young adults felt pressured to be there.”

Then he softened his tone.

“But it turned out real well. There was a big mix of people in a large age group, a 10-year span. I enjoyed it. I went with an open mind.”

However, he was disappointed that the majority of the women were younger than he.

“They were in the first or second year of college, six years my junior,” he said. “Reality hasn’t slapped them in the face yet.

“The only thing I really did not care for was the Xeroxed list of names handed out as we left. It was pushed on me. If I want to ask a girl out, I will ask her for her phone number in person. I’m more old-fashioned than to call somebody up and say, ‘Hey, I met you at a party.’ Hell, they might not remember you.”

Mothers’ Complaints

The mothers had complaints too. The youngsters, they said, spent most of their time with old friends and didn’t mix enough. Also, not many took the list of guests as they left.

Savage, however, praised the event. He met three young women he liked enough to see again. He has arranged dates with two of them.

“I don’t know how far it will go toward romance,” he said, “but there will be some friendly dates.”

The matchmaking mothers are already planning another gathering in June, the traditional month of weddings. This time it will be a pool party. The mothers will supply ice cream but expect the guests to supply their own food.

“We’re moving the responsibility over to them,” said Schillo.