Robinson Claims USC Alumni Bark but Have No Bite

Now that the USC Trojans are 3-0, what has become of that howling pack of wolves known as the USC alumni? Weren’t the dreaded and feared alums on the verge of throwing Ted Tollner out of Heritage Hall and onto Hoover Street, feet first?

According to John Robinson, that idea of the USC alums wielding the power to fire and hire a coach is strictly a myth.

“There’s no such thing as this organized body that can have a significant influence on who is hired or fired at SC,” Robinson said.

“When I was at SC, I would always laugh at those statements. If they had that kind of power, there’s no way they would have accepted John McKay as coach. He was an unknown. There’s no way they would have accepted John Robinson.

“The only place that situation (alumni hiring or firing a coach) could happen would be at a school where the team is the state, and where the coach makes a lot more money (including money from alumni sources). The USC coach is not in the nation’s top 75 in salary and income.”

You have to like the Boston Red Sox’s spirit going into the playoffs. Dennis (Oil Can) Boyd says, “I don’t think (the Angels) have the ballclub to beat us now.” And Al Nipper says, “We’re going to rip their halos off them.”

It’s not exactly vintage Muhammad Ali, or even Brian Bosworth, but for baseball this is pretty lively stuff.

Angel fans, meanwhile, are debating who the club’s MVP is--Mike Witt or Wally Joyner? And who is the biggest baby--Gene Mauch or Reggie Jackson?

Mauch slighted Jackson by not starting him the night the Angels clinched the division title, an honor Reggie deserved. Then Reggie ducked the postgame celebration, saying, “I wasn’t into it.”

Hey, fellows--The Red Sox are coming! The Red Sox are coming!

As you’ll notice when the Red Sox play the Angels, baseball lags behind other sports in the nickname department. Boxing is still No. 1, just ahead of drag racing.

A recent fight card in Oklahoma featured Levi (L’il Fridge) Perry, David (Meat) Cleaver, Ron (the Baptist) Bostwick, Rodney (Dangerfield) Porter, John (Polish Bomber) Misialek, Wimpy Halstead and Wild Bill Finley.

The most creative--and maybe the largest--group of people in America has got to be Al Davis’ enemies. First they try to steal his club by a silly eminent domain lawsuit, and now they’re going after his money, claiming Al causes heart attacks.

Eugene Klein, former owner of the Chargers, is suing Davis for $33 million, claiming that Davis caused Klein’s heart attack.

Did Al hide in a closet and yell “Boo!” at Klein? No, he hauled Klein into court, causing Klein to have a coronary.

What a precedent this could set! For every human ailment, a lawsuit. John Robinson, for instance, would sue Georgia Frontiere for causing the accelerated graying of John’s gray hair by refusing to offer Henry Ellard a legitimate contract.

The mailbag, in response to a recent column about berserk Met fans . . .

From Paul Sabin, Los Angeles: “I feel that some sort of apology is due the pure (New York) baseball fan.”

When I find that guy, Paul, I will apologize. From Bill Spiegel of Santa Monica: “Imagine, after the Mets won the pennant, thousands of fans stormed the field! That would never happen here. After all, our respectful, well-mannered residents are much too busy destroying Huntington Beach, Palm Springs, Downtown L.A., Newport Beach and Santa Monica to waste their time ripping up a crummy old ballpark. And as for the peace-loving Angels fans who threw fake knives at the Yankees: what fun dudes!”

From Michael Yuhasy, West Hollywood: “You are a geek!!! . . . I would rather have people rake up Dodger Stadium than stabbing each other in the streets. No wonder so many people are beginning to hate L.A. and its ‘attitude.’ . . . (You are) small, vindictive and unfair.”

Maybe so, but if I have a heart attack, you three gentlemen will be hearing from my attorneys.