Here Is New Way to Play Baseball

Have you ever played rotisserie baseball? You get together a group of people, choose up teams of major league players and pit them against one another.

It’s all explained in “Rotisserie League Baseball,” a Bantam Books paperback written by Glen Waggoner and Robert Sklar.

The object of the game: “To assemble a lineup of 23 National League or American League baseball players whose cumulative statistics, compiled and measured according to the rules, exceed those of all other teams in the league.”

The book explains how you draft, trade, use your farm system, award prize money, etc. Included is a list of players, with comments and suggested purchase prices. Some excerpts:

Don Sutton, Angels: “Cunning, crafty, artful, wily, sly, insidious, shifty, cagey, and 42 on opening day. If they take away his 50-grade sandpaper, he’s in trouble. $4.”

Walt Terrell, Detroit: “Why is it you can’t read anything about this guy without having the description bulldog thrown in? It’s hard to like bulldogs. They drool and cling to your leg. $2.”

Dale Mohorcic, Texas: “A sort of rummage sale pitcher with, apparently, a rubber arm. Mohorcic tied Mike Marshall’s record for consecutive appearances last season and picked up seven saves. When Mohorcic belonged to the Pirates, Chuck Tanner had to tell him, ‘Sorry, Lefty, we’re sending you down.’ Mohorcic is right-handed. $5.

Ozzie Guillen, Chicago White Sox: “Picture Ozzie Smith, except he can’t hit, run, or field as well. He can do all those things better than Ozzie Nelson. $5.”

Rafael Ramirez, Atlanta: “The enlightened world is divided between those who believe Ramirez is a disaster at short and those who will come to believe it, given time. Give him points for consistency, though--he did lead the league in errors five straight years. $2.”

Glenn Wilson, Philadelphia: “Have you heard Glenn Wilson talk? This is what Max Headroom would sound like if he came from Buda, Tex. $14.”

Richard Dotson, Chicago White Sox: “He showed signs of returning to form at the end of last season, and he’s only 28. Balked at changing his name to Nissan, though. $4.”

Moose Haas, Oakland: “The only pitcher in baseball who bears the name of his owner. For what it’s worth, he’s also an amateur magician. He made himself disappear last season after a promising start. $3.”

Mark Portugal, Minnesota: “The newest member of “The Baseball Encyclopedia’s” league of nations: Ossie France, Frank Brazil, Al Holland, Tim Ireland, Buck Jordan, Chili Davis, Hugh Poland and Edwin (South) Correa. $1.”

Joe Johnson, Toronto: “The best stat we heard last year came from “The Elias Baseball Abstract” and concerned this Portland, Me., high school product: ‘Believe it or not, he is the first Joe Johnson to play major league baseball.’ $2.”

Steve Ontiveros, Oakland: “Not to be confused with the Steve Ontiveros who played bad third base for the Giants and Cubs and later for the Hiroshima Carp, or whoever. What a strange world we live in, when two Steve Ontiveros make the majors, and only one Joe Johnson. $10.”