Game 7: It’s True Believers vs. True Pretenders

There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that should the Boston Celtics lose Game 7 of the National Basketball Assn.’s Eastern Conference championship series to the Detroit Pistons today, CBS-TV’s Tommy Heinsohn will claim that all the loss will do is get Boston’s dander up for Game 8.

What is true is this: Detroit has not won a game at Boston Garden in five years. Seventeen in a row, the Pistons have lost here. Including last Tuesday’s Game 5 of the series, in which they snatched defeat from the jaws of victory.

The Pistons very easily could have won four games in a row. By now, they could be lounging beside a Los Angeles hotel pool, catching some rays before the first NBA championship series to which a Detroit team has ever been invited.

Isiah Thomas and Magic Johnson could accompany one another to their regular weekly smile lessons. Bill Laimbeer could be thinking of ways to get his elbow up as high as Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s throat. Adrian Dantley could be sticking pins in his Michael Cooper doll. Chuck Daly and Pat Riley could shop till they drop at Giorgio Armani’s Clothes for Coaches on Rodeo Drive.

Instead, here the Pistons are, back in Boston, hoping for the best, dreading the worst. “Either you win or you go on vacation,” guard Vinnie Johnson said after Friday’s workout at the Garden. “And we don’t want to be on vacation.”

But what can they do about it? Larry Bird is no Bill Buckner; the basketball’s not going to roll through his legs. Robert Parish isn’t going to let a little thing like a sprained ankle keep him off his feet. Dennis Johnson isn’t going to go 3 for 17 from the floor again, as he did in Game 6.

No, Boston believes in the Celtics, and the Celtics believe in themselves. They believe that somehow, no matter what, they will win this thing today. They believe that Bird will swish one from half court, or that Fred Roberts will tip one in at the buzzer after all five starters have fouled out, or that Red Auerbach will grab the trunks of Dantley or Laimbeer when the referee isn’t looking, like a manager at a wrestling match.

They believe that when this day is over, Johnny Most, the voice of the Celtics, the velvet frog, the man who makes Tom Waits sound like Mel Torme, will be yippying and ya-hooing and bragging about how Boston overcame Detroit’s brand of sneaky, dirty, evil, yellow basketball.

The Pistons certainly don’t look afraid of what is about to happen. Maybe they feel they can’t lose. Maybe they feel the time is right. Maybe they believe Parish and McHale and the rest of the oh-are-we-ever-hurting Celtics really are hurting, as opposed to the day recently when Daly said of them: “They should be on Broadway.”

Maybe Laimbeer has one more dirty trick up his sleeve. Either that or a crash helmet for his head.

What Laimbeer did bring with him when he left Detroit’s Metro Airport Friday morning was a cardboard box full of “wanted” posters of Parish, accusing him of sucker-punching in the first degree. A local TV station gave them to the Piston center, who autographed them at the airport and said: “I know everybody at the Garden will be glad to see me again.”

A return trip was arranged when the Pistons pulled away in the fourth quarter and defeated the Celtics in Thursday’s sixth game, 113-105. In three dates at the Pontiac Silverdome, Detroit was the winner by an average of 17.3 points a game. The Pistons gave evidence that even the Lakers might not have an easy time winning there, particularly since, with a courtside temperature of 83 degrees, the sweat comes rolling so fast that at least two of the Laker starters would have to install windshield wipers on their goggles.

The Pistons looked great at the dome, the Celtics not so great.

“Our offense fell apart,” said Danny Ainge.

Said Bird: “It just got to the point where we couldn’t make a shot,” being nice enough to include himself among the “we.”

The Pistons looked so good, in that game and in the three preceding it, that there is growing sentiment, in states other than Massachusetts, that Detroit deserves to win this one, that no matter how much fun another Laker-Celtic dance might be, the Pistons almost certainly would be more worthy opponents.

At Detroit’s workout here Friday, Isiah Thomas said: “I think we’ve proven that we’re definitely a better team than them, win or lose the last game. I think everybody in America knows we’re the better team.”

What should happen and what will happen may be two different things, though, so expect no surprises. Boston must, and undoubtedly will, find some way to:

--Have a technical foul called on Dantley for illegal offense.

--Spring a parquet trapdoor on Thomas just as he is about to drive the lane.

--Bend, fold, spindle or mutilate Laimbeer.

--Shoot 44 free throws to Detroit’s 4.

--Remove two Piston points from the scoreboard when the referees aren’t looking.

--Continue to accuse Detroit rookie Dennis Rodman of hotdogging by waving his arms and shaking his fists, even though it was OK when M. L. Carr did it.

--Get the Pistons into so much foul trouble that Chuck Nevitt ends up guarding Ainge.

--Get 45 quality seconds out of Bill Walton, who will be about half grateful and half dead.

--And win the game on last-second four-point play by Bird.

It is Game 7, after all, and Boston knows how to throw such parties. “Seventh games are fun,” McHale said. “It’s fun putting it all on the line.”

Detroit wouldn’t know. The last time Detroit won a seventh game for a championship, it was against the St. Louis Cardinals.

Playoff Notes Robert Parish will play, the Celtics say. . . . When told that Parish had been fined $7,500 and suspended for punching Bill Laimbeer, Larry Bird said: “For that good deed?” . . . Thursday’s crowd of 28,283 pushed the Pistons’ season attendance to 1,059,156, a new NBA high, topping the 1979-80 record of 1,039,639 set by Seattle. . . . After next season, the Pistons won’t even be playing at the Silverdome. They are building a new arena in Auburn Hills, the suburb right next to Pontiac. . . . Danny Ainge: “Detroit has a lot of confidence right now, more than they had when the series began.” Kevin McHale: “The Pistons are much more opportunistic than they used to be. They capitalize on breaks of the game more than they used to.” Well, we’ll see.