No Study Required for This Finals Exam

There is a new movie out, starring Jack Nicholson, called:

(a) “The Witches of the Eastern Conference.”

(b) “The Switches on Defense.”

(c) “The Fitches of Houston.”

(d) “Teams of Endearment.”

(e) “Red’s.”

Greg Kite’s ability to get a shot off reminds you of:

(a) Brian Oldfield’s.

(b) Garo Yepremian’s.

(c) Barney Fife’s.

(d) Pele’s.

(e) A man loading a truck.

Byron Scott has been about as successful in championship series games at Boston Garden as:

(a) Puerto Rico has been in the Winter Olympics.

(b) Larry (Bud) Melman has been in the Mr. Universe contest.

(c) ABC has been against Bill Cosby.

(d) The Boston Bruins have been.

There is a new movie out, starring Alex English of the Denver Nuggets, called: (a) “Amazing Grace and Chuck,” about a Boston Celtic player and a Detroit Piston coach.

(b) “Amazing Grace and Chick,” about a Boston Celtic player and a Los Angeles Laker announcer.

(c) “Amazing Grace and Kiki,” about a Boston Celtic player and a former Denver Nugget.

(d) “Amazing Grace and Lafayette (Fat),” about a Boston Celtic player and a current Denver Nugget.

(e) “Amazing Lack of Grace and Luck,” about Red Auerbach.

Larry Bird is very:

(a) Overrated for a white guy.

(b) White for an overrated guy.

(c) Blond for a black guy.

(d) Skinny for a fat guy.

(e) Seriously considering a Muslim name.

Magic Johnson is:

(a) Valuable.

(b) Invaluable.

(c) Most valuable.

(d) More valuable than most.

(e) More valuable than Johnny Most.

That hook shot that Magic used to win Game 4 is a little something he calls:

(a) The Happy Skyhooker.

(b) The Land Hook.

(c) The high-flying, gravity-defying, pressure-applying, Celtics-crying, I-ain’t-lying skyhook.

(d) E. J. Junior.

(e) E. J. Hooker.

Tom Heinsohn credits much of the Lakers’ success to:

(a) Quick feet.

(b) Quick hands.

(c) Quick knees.

(d) Quick whistles.

(e) The fact that Magic Johnson runs the fast break almost as good as Bob Cousy.

After Game 4, Red Auerbach told referee Earl Strom he had:

(a) No courage.

(b) No guts.

(c) No basketballs.

(d) No hot water in the shower.

(e) No dances left on his card.

The biggest surprise of the series so far is that:

(a) A. C. Green is playing and no one has as yet mentioned his name.

(b) Los Angeles fans still think the Lakers have a chance to sweep.

(c) Kevin McHale had his foot amputated Saturday and still intends to play today.

(d) If the Celtics win Games 6 and 7, that evidently makes them the greatest team of all time.

(e) Jerry Sichting hasn’t taken a swing at Kareem Abdul-Jabbar yet.

Danny Ainge’s 40-foot basket before the halftime buzzer in Game 5 is a little something he calls:

(a) Long Ainge Missile.

(b) Three-Pointer From Hell.

(c) Half as good as Magic Johnson’s shot against Denver.

(d) The Count de Parquet.

(e) Ainge’s From the Outfield.

Bill Walton is:

(a) Ready to play.

(b) Willing to play.

(c) Able to play.

(d) Going to play.

(e) Mere hours from retirement.

The fans at the Forum are different from the fans at Boston Garden, in that:

(a) They have something to do after the game.

(b) They pay scalpers with American Express gold cards.

(c) They almost always call somebody on their car phones to find out the final score.

(d) They never boo the visiting team, unless it says to do so on their cue cards.

(e) They know the Lakers are going to win.