Already, It’s Sorry Start for Miami (Fla.)

THE COLLEGES

You have to feel sorry for poor Miami of Florida (0-1), the No. 1 team in the Bottom Ten college rankings. Not only did the Hurricanes get off to a miserable start this year with a Jan. 2 Siesta Bowl loss to Penn State, but now they’re without quarterback Vinny Testaverde for the rest of the season.

And, because of tighter supervision by the school and National Collegiate Athletic Assn., the Hurricanes look weak in the departments in which they dominated college football in 1986: dormitory riots, illegally leased cars, shoplifting and telephone misuse ($10,000 worth).

It’s too early, of course, to say that Miami has wrapped up the Bottom Ten title. There are still flowerhouses such as No. 2 USC--free at last of accusations of being nothing but a football school--and the fabled Shoehorns of No. 11 Texas.

Then, too, No. 7 Pitt could bull its way to the championship. And No. 10 SMU may be hard pressed to win a game this year.

The Rankings

Team (’87 Rec) Last ’87 Loss Next Loss 1. Miami (0-1) 10-14, Penn St. Fla., Sat. 2. USC (0-1) 7-16, Auburn Mich. St., Mon. 3. Michigan (0-1) 15-22, Ariz. St. N. Dame, Sept. 12 4. LSU (0-1) 15-30, Nebraska Tex. A&M;, Sat. 5. Tex. A&M; (0-1) 12-28, Ohio St. LSU, Sat. 6. North (0-1) 38-42, South Idle 7. Pitt (0-0) Idle BYU, Tonight 8. Columbia (0-0) Idle Harvard, Sept. 19 9. Pentagon (0-0) Idle Classified 10. SMU (0-0) Idle Idle

11. Texas (0-0); 12. Georgia Tech (0-0); 13. University of Texas at El Intercepted Paso (0-0); 14. Tie between Notre Dame (0-0) and Akron (0-0); 16. Syracuse (0-0); 17. Idle; 18. Michigan State (0-0); 19. Missouri (0-0); 20. Kansas (0-0) or Kansas State (0-0).

OTHERS RECEIVING VOTES (in alphabetical order): Iowa (0-1).

ROUT OF THE WEEK: Florida (0-0) over Miami (Fla.) (0-1).

CRUMMY GAME OF THE WEEK: LSU (0-1) vs. Texas A&M; (0-1).

QUOTEBOOK: Grambling line coach Billy Manning, asked how fast he’d like 420-pound lineman Raymond (World) Smith to run the 40-yard dash: “We’re not worried about the 40--if we can get it to a quick 10 (seconds) . . . “

OFF-SEASON HIGHLIGHTS: Sports fans calling a special phone number listed in a Jackson (Miss.) paper to learn about football recruits at Ole Miss instead received a taped sex message from a young miss. The foul-up occurred because the number in the paper contained a typographical error.

THE PROS

Sure, Arena Football’s season is over, highlighted by the Denver Dynamite’s championship win, making the Dynamite the only Denver team to win a pro football title.

But, don’t worry, there’s still plenty of bad football left. In fact, several National Football League teams--Dallas, San Diego and Indianapolis come to mind--would fit comfortably into Arena Football. Why, just think, with a 50-yard field, even Bowboy quarterback Danny White would be a long-pass threat!

Unfortunately, on the old-fashioned 100-yard carpet, Dallas looks like a solid bet to cop the Bottom Ten pro title. The Bowboys, still looking for one more solid running back, lost their last four games last season to work up some momentum for 1987.

Meanwhile, experts attributed the reduced number of penalties in exhibition games to the advent of the new age of peace and understanding, recently proclaimed by adherents of the ancient Mayan calendar. The so-called harmonic convergence is said to have been caused by an unusual alignment of the planets as well as by Brian Bosworth’s signing with Seattle.

The Rankings

Team (’86 Rec) Worst ’86 Loss Opening ’87 Loss 1. Tampa Bay (2-14) 13-45, Minnesota Atlanta 2. Indianapolis (3-13) 3-33, New England Cincinnati 3. Dallas (7-9) 14-41, Washington St. Louis 4. San Diego (4-12) 17-47, Cleveland Kansas City 5. Irwindale (8-8) 0-37, Seattle Green Bay

6. N.J. Jets (11-7); 7. Buffalo (4-12); 8. Pitt (6-10); 9. Coliseum Commission; 10. Miami (Fla.) (8-8).

CRUMMY OPENER: Tampa Bay (2-14) vs. Atlanta (7-8-1).

NFL CUTS: The studio audience from NBC’s pregame show “NFL Live,” formerly known as “NFL ‘86” and, before that, “NFL ’85.” So far, no members of the audience have been picked up on waivers by the Donahue or Oprah Winfrey shows.

PRESEASON QUOTEBOOK: Agent Steve Cocoli, explaining why 10th-round San Diego pick Anthony Anderson was holding out for an incentive package: “We’ve already agreed to a contract that is 22% lower than the one given to the Chargers’ 11th-round pick last year.” Anderson was later waived.