NOW WHITNEY HOUSTON HAS IT ALL

The record on the radio begins softly. . . . Familiar piano rolls lead up to to the clear, unmistakable voice. It’s Whitney Houston singing her recent No. 1 hit, “Didn’t We Almost Have It All.”

But wait: These aren’t the right lyrics:

Remember when nobody knew my name

But now I am a big star

Tons of fame.

I can make a hit song in a minute

Taking no chances

All I do is scream like I’m insane.

Then the chorus kicks in--and that’s when parody really starts to sting.

Don’t my songs all sound the same?

I can’t believe they keep on selling

My agent told me not to change a thing

So I guess I’ll keep on yelling.

The Houston parody is courtesy of the American Comedy Network, which syndicates short-form comedy bits--mostly song and commercial parodies and bits lampooning current events--to 215 radio stations nationwide. Among the clients: KOST-FM and KFI in Los Angeles and KFMB (B-100) in San Diego.

Liz Kiley, KOST’s music director, said the parody--”Don’t My Songs All Sound the Same”--is being played on Mark Wallengren and Kim Amidon’s morning show. “It’s not meant with any malice,” she said. “Whitney is a very popular lady. She’s an amazing singer. But it was very funny.

“We get a lot of listener requests for it,” she added. “They’ll call in and ask for that and for another Whitney Houston song, so I don’t think the audience takes it as a negative either.”

Bob James, vice president and creative director of the Bridgeport, Conn.-based American Comedy Network, wrote and produced the parody with Andy Goodman, the company’s president and general manager. The Houston sound-alike is Bertilla Baker, who appears in the Broadway show “Beehive.”

“Our feeling is that it’s legitimate parody,” James said. “The song parodies we do come up with usually have a point. We try to really put teeth into them. I don’t see a point in doing it unless you’re trying to say something and express an opinion.

“We’re not like Weird Al Yankovic with just kind of a jokey parody. We really say things. If something seems a little too puffed up--just not human enough--we bring it back down to earth. We’re sort of like the court jesters.”

Though a representative of Houston’s record company, Arista, has asked for a copy of the record, James said he isn’t worried about any possible legal action. “I figure if we’re not getting sued or at least threatened a couple or three times a week, then we’re not really working hard enough,” he reasoned.

An Arista spokesman acknowledged a similarity between “Didn’t We Almost Have It All” and such past Houston ballads as “All at Once.” But he added that the release last week of Houston’s new single, the harder-edged dance track “So Emotional,” should put the issue to rest.

The spokesman suggested that radio’s affection for Houston--the only artist in the ‘80s to score five consecutive No. 1 singles--is the reason the parody hasn’t gotten more exposure.

“If it were anybody else, I think they would have hammered it into the ground,” he said.

James agreed that the parody met with some resistance when it was first released. He noted that one powerhouse station “sat on the record” for a week. “They just wanted to check around the country to make sure that this was ‘all right’ to be played. That puzzles me. The material should be put on the air or not based on whether it’s funny or not.”