Stiring Up Some Bad Air

The words “a sigh is still a sigh,” which allude to abiding expressions of love in the song classic “As Time Goes By,” unfailingly remind me of a man I once worked for, not through any romantic association but rather through the contrasting images his sighs evoked.

First of all, the frequency and intensity of his sighs would have assured him victory in a sighing marathon. And his were not sighs of contentment, relief or endearment. When bored with his own business, he meddled in the business of others, judged by appearances and quickly leaped to erroneous conclusions, interspersing violent sighs which at first appeared to signal the onset of some sort of fit.

However, as his temporary secretary, I soon realized that his sighs were powered by the same defiant energy that will strike a blow to the head or render a swift kick.

If I happened to be on the phone, getting information from one of his clients, he would assume, without cause, that I was on a personal call and pace impatiently around my desk hissing disapproval until I finished. Or when I was working on a rush job, with tension mounting, he would stand over me firing agitated sighs directly at my nerve center, until I was ready to cover his mouth with multilayers of tape.

It became clear that his sighs were a substitute for sunken courage, now skulking around the cellar of his being, unable to face opposition. His fear of confronting someone openly and honestly encircled him with an artificial ambiance.

In general, the office setting is a fertile spawning ground for sighs of frustration and exasperation. Interruptions, equipment failures, conflicts with co-workers, bosses and clients often engender such reactions, perhaps warranting the erection of a Sighing Wall.

As with crying or wailing, sighing can be a healthy means of venting emotions, of quieting the inner havoc-raisers. Even a pernicious sigh is innocuous when directed at an inanimate, unfeeling object, but when, with eyes blazing, someone aims one at another person, it is a disarming weapon.

Through one powerful exhalation of breath at a sensitive point in a conversation, or during an argument, someone can victimize you with anger, disgust or impatience. And you are defenseless. You can’t fight air with air.

Accusing someone of assaulting you with a sigh only invites demeaning retorts, such as “You’re ridiculous” or “You must be hallucinating.” Even a slight hostile reaction to a sigh attack gives your assailant the satisfaction of knowing you grasped his unmistakable undertone of meaning.

Variations of the sigh are numerous, and many are clearly harmless. Let poets and songwriters continue to romanticize the sigh, telling of its gentler side--a lover’s tender expression, a baby’s soft sigh, or nature’s whispers, as wind sighing in the branches.

But let not the sigh be a vehicle for expressing hostility, the way a snake would hiss or a dragon breathe fire at a natural enemy. Even if our primitive forebears relied on suspirations to communicate ill feelings, for thousands of years now we’ve had a working language replete with terms for use in problem solving.

How can any misunderstanding be resolved on the basis of a disgruntled sigh? I for one want to hear an accusation or complaint, be allowed to present my side of the issue, and then work toward a mutual solution. Apart from lung exercise, a heavy invidious sigh can accomplish nothing more than stirring up a lot of bad air.