Black Mountain Is a ‘Town’ That Planners Forgot

It was a dark day in Black Mountain when Mayor Maureen O’Connor rode into town. Garbed in white from head to toe, Clean Maureen cruised shotgun on a garbage truck, ready to sweep the long-forgotten community into the 1980s.

Surprisingly, she found only neat, shady streets, no traffic jams and houses on spacious one-acre lots.

“It’s just remarkable that Black Mountain has been able to survive all these years without the protection of our city Planning Department,” the mayor gushed.

The town fathers assured Her Honor that the absence of city planners was cause for celebration rather than dismay. After all, why had the town stayed hidden for 150 years?

So goes life in the mythical North County community of Black Mountain, a town that would bear an astounding resemblance to Rancho Penasquitos if the latter were without traffic congestion, fast-food restaurants, tract homes and rampant residential growth.

Black Mountain is the creation of Mike Conrad, president of the Rancho Penasquitos Town Council. Every Wednesday afternoon at 4 o’clock, KPBS Radio (89.5 FM) broadcasts “A Black Mountain Sampler,” Conrad’s humorous but contemplative 10-minute monologue about life in a secret Western town near San Diego that “the decades couldn’t uncover, the developers missed and the City Council forgot.”

On April 29, KPBS will feature a 30-minute broadcast of the show, featuring folk music and a cast of characters played by the New Expression Band.

Tucked between canyons and hills 20 miles north of downtown, Black Mountain remained hidden for 150 years to avoid those troublesome city planners and meddling City Council members, Conrad explained. Wary Black Mountaineers believe city officials relish nothing more than leveling a mountain to put up a housing development. Parks, libraries and swimming pools are unknown entities to them.

While Conrad borrows his style from Garrison Keillor, “Black Mountain Sampler” is oceans away from the Midwestern life Keillor depicted in “A Prairie Home Companion.”

More acerbic, contemporary and Californian than Keillor, Conrad uses his radio show to poke fun at San Diego’s politicians, developers, elite yuppies and the self-obsessed 1980s life style. Everything and everyone from Mayor O’Connor, Supervisor Susan Golding, New Zealand yachtsman Michael Fay, who is challenging for the America’s Cup, the Super Bowl, BMW dealers and, most notably, city planners have been subjected to Conrad’s verbal whimsy.

City politics provide a multitude of foibles for Conrad, whose cadence and deep voice would fit perfectly around any campfire.

“Mayor O’Connor’s unofficial visit last month was followed quickly and in rapid succession by an aide to county Supervisor Susan Golding and then, by that most fearful of creations, a delegation from the city Planning Department,” Conrad told listeners during one broadcast. “The supervisor would have been here herself, we were informed, but for a previous commitment to address a conference in Honolulu on ‘New Evidence that Breast Feeding Prevents Depletion of the Ozone Layer.’ ”

Tongue planted firmly in cheek, the biochemist wrote his first “Black Mountain Sampler” script last fall out of frustration with what he sees as a San Diego bias against North County.

One particular incident especially galled the former UC San Diego professor. When the San Diego Ballet folded, Conrad was aghast to hear one “La Jolla matron” criticize North County residents for its demise.

“She said, ‘It would have survived if those barbarians to the north had a little more culture,’ ” said Conrad, who had attended the ballet with his family regularly. “Well, my reaction was, ‘We’ll show you, lady.’ That was the crucible in which Black Mountain Sampler was forged.”

At 43, Conrad lays claim to a house, a spouse, two children and a thriving research firm in La Jolla. He is a longtime environmentalist who spent years working as a surveyor for the U.S. Forest Service before earning a doctorate and teaching at UCSD.

The bearded storyteller grew up in a log cabin in Alpine when San Diego’s downtown covered little more than the shadow cast by Horton Plaza. He went away to college and work, returning to find a city sprawling in four directions. He decided developers and politicians held little regard for San Diego’s natural beauty.

How could he change things? Conrad thought of campaigning for growth control, curbside recycling and protection of wild lands. Eventually, he decided no amount of lobbying would change peoples’ attitudes.

“Environmentalism is a bad word around here because a lot of people of that bent have a holier-than-thou attitude,” he said. “A far better way was to make people realize what things used to be like.”

Conrad hopes the radio show brings back such memories.

Black Mountain’s folksy but urbane residents tout quality of life over material possessions. Reverence for the land, good schools, parks and libraries rank far above such common sensibilities of the 1980s as driving a Volvo and owning a time-share in Tahiti. Conrad said a grass-roots attitude prevails among many of Rancho Penasquitos’ 39,000 residents, most of whom eschew growth.

Carl Bertel, who runs the local BMW dealership, is Black Mountain’s solitary acknowledged yuppie, and Conrad uses him to symbolize “all the fussy people who put profit before the social good.” In that same category, he said he lists members of the San Diego Yacht Club, whom he accuses of sailing more for prestige than love of the sport.

While politics and urban problems provide the canvas for many of Conrad’s stories, he writes just as often about love, family life and the pursuit of happiness. His own family provides a plethora of story fodder, such as the couple’s squabble over a $2,000 French door Conrad bought to install and lead to the patio. It’s still sitting in the garage.

“It’s no secret that the story about the mayor and his wife is all true,” said Conrad, who acknowledges that he and his wife, Joan, are the real-life models for Black Mountain’s Mayor and Mrs. John Kraemer. One recent program found John outraged about the cost of daughter Katherine’s $48 Reeboks. When Dad balked, daughter sulked.

“Dad, you’re living in the past,” Katherine said. “It’s going to cost a lot more for the shoes I need to go with my graduation dress!”

“A graduation dress? For eighth grade?” her father choked.

“Dad, I’ve gotta have that dress! All the girls are getting new dresses!”

“There it was,” the mayor cringed. “The one thing sure to make a Black Mountain father’s blood boil: keeping up with the Joneses.”

“Black Mountain Sampler,” now in its 20th week, has attracted a small--and occasionally confused--following, according to Brian Taylor, associate producer of the KPBS news show “San Diego on Air.” Some listeners are so convinced Black Mountain exists that Taylor has received calls requesting directions to Black Mountain’s T. H. Huxley Library or the Copper Kettle Cafe.

Taylor discovered Conrad last summer during the first Black Mountain Music Festival held in Rancho Penasquitos. The outdoor festival, which combines folk music, folk tales and dancing, was founded, organized and produced by Conrad. It drew about 3,000 for two shows. Four evenings are planned for this summer’s festival.

After watching Conrad perform a “Black Mountain” monologue at the festival, Taylor drafted him for KPBS. The radio host said Conrad’s show provides a break from hard news, but still includes serious social commentary.

“The problems on Black Mountain always seem to have a solution with a ribbon tied around them,” Taylor said. “Unfortunately, that’s not the case in the Middle East or with an IRA bombing.”

Conrad said he gets his own kicks from the show.

“The beauty of this is I can bring anyone I want to visit Black Mountain. When Michael Fay came, nobody batted an eye.”

In the future, Conrad plans to address more social problems, including AIDS, homosexuality, evolution, shifts in the Catholic religion and the changing roll of women in society. He said the program offers him a platform from which he can chastise those who ignore the importance of the environment.