Chart House Offers Protein, Spuds to Go

This is not, with one exception, a fish story. Nor, with one demurral, a shaggy dog tale. It is a review of “Dinners to Go” from the Chart House, where a spud is a spud.

If you’re in the mood for a Boy Food Picnic, this is the place. Steaks. Blue Ribbon Prime Rib. Baked potatoes as big as Donald Trump’s fist.

It is also the home of Blue Ribbon Prime packaging, boxes practically aerodynamically engineered. I picked up my order one evening (the Westwood branch is the only Chart House with dinners to go) and, outside, ran smack into a friend. “Going to the airport with your pets?” he asked. If they had handles, the corrugated carrying cases (filled with the best-looking take-out containers I’ve ever seen) could double for comfortable lodging for a Lhasa apso. (The packaging charge for each entree is $2.50, but boxes, with liners removed, can be used to wrap presents in. You’ll see.)

Orders were ready exactly on time and came with every sauce and utensil you’d need. We had enough paper napkins to construct a dress, and the plastic forks didn’t deconstruct inside the top sirloin steak.

Protein’s the bottom line here. The top sirloin ($13.25 including, as do all entrees, a salad) made meat heaven--juicy, pink and thick. The prime rib can be ordered regular cut ($16.45), approximately 12 ounces, or Callahan cut ($19.25), 22-26 ounces, bone in. We ordered a regular cut, medium-rare, and so it came, piping hot in the “unique packaging system designed for maximum heat retention.”

The prime rib was as pleasurable a piece of meat as we’ve had in a long time; it came with fine pan juices and a splendidly sharp, smooth and creamy horseradish sauce.

Our next bit of protein was the boneless chicken breast, Santa Fe-style ($12.75), which tasted pleasantly like jerk chicken. Moist and tangy, it was lightly cloaked with a barbecue butter sauce.

And then the fish story. The only seafood we tried was a fresh swordfish ($18.95) that was a big, thick affair with a rubber quotient high enough to place it in the Michelin (Tire) Guide.

The baked potatoes ($1.45), healthy-sized spuds, are treated with respect and come with fresh chives, real bacon fixings, butter, sour cream--the works. Slabs of dark squaw bread-- moist, fragrant and delicious--accompany every order.

Everything else fades into the background. Shrimp cocktail ($7.25) was unmemorable, and hot vegetables ($2.95) were not much better than the cold. A steamed artichoke, tough and soggy, came plunked down in a vinaigrette. And I found myself plucking weary pineapple triangles from the wild rice blend.

Salads are fresh. And ordinary. The best thing about them are the dressings--all are made from scratch and include a substantial creamy Italian and a blue cheese with real Danish bleu .

If you are into chocolate excess, you might enjoy the Chart House’s famous Mud Pie. (The ice cream stayed solid till the end of the meal.) Or, maybe you’d rather end your Boy Food take-out with a dessert so feminine it could have been made by Snow White--the sweet white chocolate-berry cheesecake is topped with a little pink half-moon slice of jellied fruit.

The Chart House Dinners to Go, 1097 Glendon Ave . , Westwood, (213) 208-8034. Orders must be placed at least 30 minutes ahead of pick-up time. Meals available Sunday-Thursday, 5:30-10 p.m.; Friday-Saturday, 5:30-11 p.m. All major credit cards. Validated parking across the street in Monte’s.