A Wee Bit O’ the Irish This Day

“Well, that’s more like it!”

Fogarty, the Criminal Lawyer,

as Notre Dame went ahead.

“You could hear the angels sing!”

Clancy the Criminal.

“Can we have a tune, maybe? Does anybody know all the words to Galway Bay?”

Hennessy the Tenor.

“Did anybody think to bring the whiskey? We’ll have a terrible thirst this night!”

Finnegan the Practicing Alcoholic.

“The coach fired two of the best players on the team. Sent them home on an airship.”

Callahan the Busybody.

“We didn’t need them.”

O’Halloran the Paper Hanger. “We didn’t have the ball much.”

McInally the Teamster

“We didn’t need it much. ‘Twas our game plan not to have the ball.”

Garrity the Authority on Everything.

“The coach is devious. He thinks of everything.”

Houlihan the Echo.

“Was their quarterback sick this time?”

McMahon the Innkeeper.

“He is now.”

O’Hara the Woodcutter. “Can you win the Heisman flat on your back?”

Kinsella the Author.

“It’s hard, but it’s been done. It’s not the way to bet.”

Casey the Oddsmaker.

“We won, 27-10. We hardly broke a sweat!”

Flanagan, who looks on the bright side.

“Rockne would have beat them worse. Rockne used to beat them, 27-0.”

Higgins the Historian.

“Rockne was a sly one.”

Houlihan the Echo.

“Didn’t the coach tell us this other team was a world beater?”

Kerrigan the Skeptic.

“He does that to all teams. The man’s dyspeptic.”

Brannigan the Bricklayer.

“The man lost 8 pounds with the worry and all. His clothes hardly fit.”

--Lonigan the Unpublished Poet. “I shouldn’t wonder. The man paces the sideline like a man who’s lost a collar-button.”

--Fitzhugh the Fiddler.

“You could mail him home like a post card.”

Houlihan the Echo.

“Is he always that pale or has he been sick?”

O’Connor the Worrier.

“It’s the fumbles. He can’t sleep the night of a game. Or the three before.”

Murphy the Mortician. “Is it burnout?”

Horrigan the Pessimist.

“There’s nothing to burn. You could read through him. The man could haunt castles.”

Latimer the Logician.

“The man said this was the finest team he’s played all year.”

Kelly the Cop.

“The man’s a comedian. He’ll make a quarter come out of your ear or your watch disappear. He should be on the “Tonight Show.” It’s his trick. He gets you laughing, and the next thing you know the score is 14-0. It’s a great gift.”

--O’Meara the Optimist.

“Rockne used to call on George Gipp a lot.”

Mulligan the Stew. “Gipp has had his day. The last time, all he could manage was a tie.”

Horrigan the Pessimist.

“Gipp was one of the Four Horsemen.”

--Duffy the Dumbbell.

“No, he wasn’t. Gipp was the Galloping Ghost.”

--McGonigle, who is wrong about

everything.

“Well, he is now, all right.”

Finn the Flute Player.

“Can we get MacNamara’s band to play us a jig? It isn’t every day we make No. 1.”

Fagan the Tailor.

“Rockne did it all the time.”

Higgins the Historian.

“There wasn’t much Rockne couldn’t do. He used to win, 27-0.”

Houlihan the Echo.

“Well, the man’s no Rockne, now, is he?”

McGoogan the Actor.

“The American President played him in the movies.”

McGonigle who is wrong about

everything.

“No, he didn’t. He played the Four Horsemen.”

Duffy the Dumbbell.

“Which one?”

McMartin the Terrorist.

“I forget which. Either Gipp or Jumpin’ Joe Savoldi.”

--McGonigle the Errorist.

“This man would have kicked Gipp off the team.”

Horrigan the Pessimist.

“This man kicked his whole backfield off the team on the eve of the Orange Bowl when he was at Arkansas.”

Higgins the Historian.

“Did he win?”

Kelly the Cop.

“31-6.”

Higgins the Historian.

“Well, you see! It’s good luck.”

Houlihan the Echo. “Rockne didn’t need luck.”

Mulligan the Stew.

“Well, can we have a bit o’ cheer? Can we have a cup? Up Sligo! Up Roscommon! Up Cork! Let’s hear a bit for the wearin’ o’ the green!”

Lynch the Polo Player.

“It’s a long long way to Tipperary!”

--Houlihan the Echo. “I never thought I’d live to see it since they brought guitars into the Mass. No. 1! Think of it. And eatin’ meat on Friday!”

Culligan the Theologian.

“Outlined against a blue-gray October sky is O’Holtz! Divil a man can say a word agin’ him! He beat the Heathens!”

Murphy the Meat Cutter. “It wasn’t easy.”

Houlihan the Echo.

“Yes, it was.”

Regan the Realist.