More Offspring Are Returning to Family Nest

Eighteen months ago, Tracy Hayward lived in a Washington house that she owned. Today, she lives in a Santa Ana house that her parents own.

Hayward opted to trade independence for career. After working as a political consultant for 5 years, she decided to come home and launch a food manufacturing business.

“You have to give up something to gain something,” said the 32-year-old entrepreneur. “What I’ve gained is the opportunity to build my business. I can’t tie up my money in a house right now; a one-bedroom condo costs $140,000.”

Although her original intent was based on something more than following a fad, Hayward is, indeed, contributing to a national trend. According to a 1988 U.S. Census Bureau survey, 18 million single adults ages 18 to 34 live with their parents--an increase of one-third since 1974.

Experts attribute the phenomenon to a number of factors: the postponement of marriage, the high cost of housing, the burgeoning divorce rate, the high standard of living bestowed upon baby boomers by their parents.

Julie DaVanzo, an economist with the Santa Monica-based RAND Corp. research center, and Brown University sociologist Frances Goldscheider recently completed a study in which they tracked 22,000 young adults for 7 years.

“We feel the main reason for the increase (in the number of adults living with their parents) is that the average marriage age is going up,” DaVanzo said. “Historically, people left home for the first time after they married. Premarital residential independence--as Frances calls it--is a relatively new idea. And we concluded that it is a fairly fragile state during which many people end up back home.”

Children often go back to mom and dad during transitional phases--positive as well as negative. “Our anecdotal evidence suggests that it’s things like losing a job or getting divorced that lead to a return,” DaVanzo said. “But not all the transitions are due to failure. Returning to school, taking on a first job and leaving the military also are common reasons.” Like Hayward, Heidi Scott falls into the more rosy category. At age 25, she has lived away for 9 months--during her freshman year in college. Ever since, she has devoted her efforts to school.

“After undergrad, I went on to get my master’s in psychology,” Scott wrote in a letter to Single Life. “Due to money and convenience, I live at home. This allows me to get through quickly without debts or exhaustion from work.”

Scott, a student at Biola University, still sleeps in her childhood bedroom. And her parents welcome her presence. “She’s a delight to have around,” said Gary Scott. “I’ll feel a loss when she leaves. For some families, when their children reach 18, it’s: ‘You’re on your own, kid.’ But for me, a family is forever.” Sons Sean, 22, and Steve, 14, also live in the Scotts’ Anaheim Hills home. “Sometimes my job is very emotionally draining,” said Heidi Scott, who interns at a counseling center. “It’s nice to come home and say, ‘I’ve had a rotten day.’ They’ve seen my good side; they have a history of me. It’s not like they’ve only seen me as a basket case. They care about me more and give me more support than a roommate ever could.”

That is, when they see her. “I usually leave by 7 in the morning, and I don’t get home until 9 at night,” Scott said.

“Basically, we’re her telephone-answering service,” her mother, Linda Scott, said with a laugh.

Advantages of living at home, Heidi Scott said, include spacious quarters, “a filled refrigerator” and ever-clean laundry. However, she noted in her letter, the “disadvantages are few but noticeable.”

“Not being able to spontaneously bring friends over due to having to ask permission from family members beforehand, wanting to set up house myself and being limited to doing that with just my room and conflicts in values--having separated ideologically in some areas from my parents,” Scott wrote.

For instance, she explained, when she on occasion wears a short skirt, “they give me their looks.”

“We’re of a more conservative generation,” Gary Scott agreed, then addressed a comment to his daughter: “Being a little older, I don’t think you should wear your aerobics outfit to the market, etc.” His daughter rolled her eyes.

Pete, who requested anonymity, encountered bigger differences with his parents than fashion disputes. “It was a miserable time of life for me,” said the 34-year-old real estate banker, now a Long Beach resident. “Three years ago, a business that I had started 6 years before went under, and I was broke.” He moved back into his parents’ Tustin home for “one long, horrible year” until he could get his finances in order.

“They have a tendency to treat me as a child, and I have a tendency to react as a child,” Pete said. “They’re both retired and a little bored and meddling. They gave me unsolicited advice on everything from what I should eat for breakfast to the sort of jobs I should apply for. They disapproved of the woman I was seeing and acted weird when I’d stay overnight at her place.

“Add all that stress to the fact that I already was feeling pretty lousy about myself, and you have an altogether disastrous situation.” While Hayward maintains a good relationship with her parents, they, too, can meddle a bit. “They’re dying for me to get married,” she said. “After I’ve gone on a date, they’ll say, ‘He was cute!’ I’ll say, ‘Yes, but . . . ‘ “

Nineteen-year-old Tiffany Beamer of Fullerton drew up a written contract with her parents when she decided to stay at home during college. “I pay them $100 a month rent, and in exchange for that, they give me the freedom to come and go as I please,” she said.

She comes and goes considerately. “If I’m out later than I told them I would be, I call so that they won’t worry about me,” she said.

For Beamer, staying at home by choice now means that she won’t be forced to return later. “Most of my friends moved into apartments, and I’ve watched them drop classes because they have to work so many hours to pay their rent,” she said. “Society wants you to go out and be an adult when you’re 18. Well, it’s hard to be an adult when you’re not making adult wages. I make $4.25 plus tips waiting tables.

“So I’m looking at the big picture. School is my first priority right now. I want to get a good job when I get out of college, so that I won’t have to move back home when I’m 30.”

Beamer, Hayward and Scott--all the products of upper-middle-income families--bolster a 1987 study by American Demographics magazine, which reported that children living in households with annual incomes above $50,000 were more likely to remain at home.

“People’s expectations are set in comparison to the way they grew up,” said UCI sociologist Francesca Cancian. “These kids grew up during the biggest boom the American economy has ever experienced; their standards are very high. A lot of them are not going to be able to live as well as their parents do, which might encourage them to go back to their parents’ house.” Hayward enjoys the luxury of her parents’ sprawling ranch-style house with a back-yard tennis court. “Out of the 11 homes on our street, five have adult children living with their parents,” she said.

The same is true in Brenda Hicks’ pleasant La Palma neighborhood. “We have at least four young professionals living with their parents on this same street,” said the 39-year-old librarian. “Of my single friends, about 35% have moved home.”

Hicks and her 2-year-old son, Christopher, share the same roof with her mother, a widow. “My mother is my best friend,” she said. “I talked to her every morning, noon and night, when I had my own place. I just decided, ‘Why pay a landlord?’ ”

Christopher can rove around a spacious house with a back yard--amenities his mother would not have been able to afford on her own. Furthermore, the reduced living expenses allow Hicks to pay for Christopher’s gym and music classes.

“When I was a city manager (of Los Alamitos), we saw a lot of single parents move home to get help raising their kids,” said Bill Kraus, executive vice president of the Orange County Apartment Assn. “Even today, most companies do not provide a child-care program.”

Hicks asks her mother to baby-sit only as a very last resort. “But it’s nice to know I have that safety net,” she said.

The best thing about life with mom and dad, concurred those in successful situations, is companionship.

“You don’t come home to an empty house,” Hayward said. “It beats being lonely.”