Oiler Camp Is Not Far Enough From Civilization to Suit Coach

The Houston Oilers are training in San Marcos, located in the scrub-brush country of southwest Texas, and Coach Jerry Glanville said: “You oughta see our training room. There’s nothing in there but cockroaches.”

Glanville wasn’t complaining. In fact, he thought it was great.

He told Ed Hinton of the Atlanta Journal: “I’ve always believed you gotta go someplace miserable if you want to come out of camp as a team that can win. You gotta have that isolation.”

His only complaint about San Marcos is that it’s too close to civilization. He liked it better when the Oilers trained in San Angelo.

Said Glanville: “A man at a gas station in San Angelo once told me, ‘I’d pull for you guys if you’d give the ball to Earl Campbell more.’ Well, hell, Earl hadn’t been with us for three years. San Angelo was so far out there, those people didn’t know us from nothin’.”

Endangered species: Ed Schuyler Jr. of the Associated Press, on the possibility of a Mike Tyson-George Foreman match: “There is a certain pro wrestling, burlesque appeal to Tyson fighting the massive Foreman. There also is the risk of the bout being picketed by the Save the Whales Movement.”

Trivia time: According to their nicknames, how would you rank Gary Matthews, Ralph Houk and Gene Mauch?

Wasting away?From Terry Boers of the Chicago Sun-Times: “You can talk all you want about the 30 pounds that Dodger Manager Tommy Lasorda has lost since spring training, but the guy looked a lot healthier to me when he was a chubby rascal with clam sauce dripping down his chin.”

Add Dodgers: Says Atlanta Brave Manager Russ Nixon: “We have one goal for the second half, and that’s to finish ahead of the Dodgers. Anywhere but last place would be a hell of an accomplishment.”

Taming the Bear: How long is Mark Calcavecchia off the tee? Jack Nicklaus, who played with him in the Doral Ryder Open this year, told the New York Times: “For the first time, I felt like other guys used to feel when they played with me. Mark hit it so hard and so far I felt totally inadequate.”

Now-it-can-be-told Dept.: Basketball Coach Jim Valvano of North Carolina State, on his marriage: “I thought her name was Lavini and that she was Italian. It was Lavine and she was Jewish. She thought because of my big nose I was Jewish. We were married for three years before we knew we had a mixed marriage.”

Capital ideas: As Tex Schramm searches for European cities to join his global football league, Tony Kornheiser of the Washington Post suggested these entries: “Sofia Lorens and Buda Pests.”

Three years ago today: In a matchup of 300-game winners, Don Sutton out-dueled Tom Seaver, pitching six shutout innings as the Angels beat the Boston Red Sox, 3-0.

On this date in 1918, Brooklyn pitcher Henry Heitman made his major league debut against St. Louis. He gave up four consecutive hits, left the mound and never played pro ball again.

Trivia answer: 1. Mauch, the Little General; 2. Houk, Major; 3. Matthews, Sarge.

Quotebook: Stan Hochman of the Philadelphia Daily News, noting that a Philadelphia high school player received a one-half basketball scholarship to Randolph-Macon College: “Does that mean Randolph wanted him, and Macon didn’t?”